I can breathe- I think

Sometimes...

 

It seems as if the air has been sucked out of me

Not always a "bad" thing!

Just sometimes that realization of motherhood

 

Like...

 

~When your oldest son is getting married

and you realize that you are no longer the only "woman" in his life

 

~When you go with your daughter to try on bridesmaid dresses

and all of the sudden it hits you that WAY too soon, SHE will be the one looking for a wedding dress!

 

~When you go to your son's room and look at the mess

and you realize that you should have complained less in the previous years because now, there will be no mess from him in your home anymore and it is something you knew would happen but one time it seemed so far away and you NEVER dreamed you would miss it but you already do

 

~When you know that family plans may not always include ALL of your children anymore

 

~When you realize that once the first one leaves home, it's just the beginning of the next one, and the next one and so on...

 

~When you pick up your "baby" and you realize she is really not a baby anymore

 

~When you think of your age and remember when your parents were that age you thought they were SOOOOO old!

 

~When you realize that your years as a grandma are possibly closer than you ever thought possible!

 

 

I am going through a new phase in my life.  Sometimes I get confused because I have SO many little ones to still focus on and the realization what is about to take place in my life in about a month, hits me like a ton of bricks.  No time to really just sit and think about how I am going to have to let go of my oldest boy, it has just crept up on me!  I can give him advice, but what he does with it now, is up to him.  In some ways there is freedom in that and other ways, I want to tell him what to do knowing that I still have more years on him!  If I could just sit with him on the couch and stroke his hair and chat.

 

Then I am reminded that wherever this journey of motherhood has ever lead me, God's grace has ALWAYS seen me through. 

 

Tears?

Yes!

Many!!!

 

However, I know that God has ALWAYS kept me and He too will keep my son and in this new territory of his journey! 

 

Knowing that, I can rest knowing although this is uncharted territory for me, God has already gone before me! 

 

Then I take a deep breath and the air fills my lungs and realize,

 

I can breath again...

 

stronger and better than ever!

 

 

 



                                                                                                                                                               

Foto Friday ~ Remind me...

I am going to miss these days! 

in about 8 years,

 I will have 6 teenage boys living under one roof, MINE!

 

Sometimes, the days can seem so long

 

BUT...

 

the years are going by SO VERY fast!

I will miss boys giggling and looking out of a bird watch area

pretending it is a hideout...

 Moments of seeing big brother and little sister enjoying watching the world go by

just because

nothing else is filling their time and that it is enough for the day

I love knowing that for now...

A hiking trail and the great outdoors is all we have to do

if we want to...

Yes.,.

I'm going to miss this someday!

 

God...

please help me to enjoy today and savor these sweet, precious times

and not hurry my days.

 

I know that it is YOU who has been so gracious to me and

to even fathom that you would trust me with all these beautiful gifts is to great for me to comprehend...

I know I fail and I gripe and complain sometimes because it is so hard to put "self" last and I have moments of wondering if I can do it another day! 

 

 Then I am rememeber you did it for me to the point of death

and it reminds me that I CAN'T do it alone you and you don't intend for me to!

 

I ask that you carry me when I can't take

one more spill,

 more bad attitudes,

 another load of laundry,

kids arguing AGAIN,

another meal to make

 and I could go on and on and on...

 but you gently remind me that you already know my short-comings

and love me anyway.

 

Remind me that there is nothing I can't do without you!

...Even raise 12 kids!

 

I thank you for all of these moments and I ask you to help me day in and moment by moment to appreciate these times because it all goes WAY to fast!

Someday I WILL miss this but remind me TODAY...

To thank you for the privilege of being a mom to all of these blessings and to savor their growing up and consider it a joy not a burden!

 

Amen! 

 

 

What little girls do...

It's been about 10 years since I have had a chance to watch a little girl mother a baby doll. 

Oh how I have missed it! 

Our baby of the house is SO into dolls and caring for them and she is just shy of 18 months! 

 It is so very precious! 

 Sunday morning before church, she was in her room putting her baby "nigh nigh" then wiping her nose and putting a blanket over her. 

For some reason she thought the blankie was to go over the doll's face but hey...you gotta start somewhere! 

 I have come to find out through the years, this nurturing for little girls is inborn and such a joy to watch! 

 I just had to share our morning with you, I know you will be saying, "Awwww, how cute!" 

 It would be impossible to think any different!  Enjoy!

Mommy with the REAL baby!

She spy's HER baby

She is in love

 Yes...kisses

 Putting on the final blankie

 "Mommy, are you sure that it goes on her tummy?"

 She thinks it goes over her face

Ending it with a final kiss!

It's just what little girl's do!

 



How do you know....

I have been taking note lately just how amazingly awestruck I am with my life with MANY boys!  Day after day, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief at the things I hear, say and do with all the "activity" from testosterone floating, jumping, and hitting me in the face!  (Pun intended!) 

I really have discovered that I must learn to laugh at it all because if I did not, I might go find a hole and just lay there for a few years in panic!

So......
How do you know when you have many boys in your home?
Here are some clues:

• there are baggies of bullet casings all over your home, car, and possibly your bed
• you find yourself on the phone with the plumber asking him what will happen when a stick of butter is lodged in your toilet and if it's ok to flush
• all broken electronics end up being taken apart and then pounded with a hammer after all the screws and pieces are dissected
• you look out your front door and someone is flinging an earthworm around like a lasso because it stretches when you do that...and then you might be asked if that is funny
• you hear giggling from the shower and RUN to get there knowing something is not right if something is THAT funny and then find out they have discovered that if toilet paper is wet and you throw it, it will stick to the ceiling, walls, and yes...mom!
• a closet shelf becomes a new climbing adventure and the contents of the shelf remain on the floor
•  you have a variety of boys underwear to pick from and no longer know which ones are truly yours and you really don't care if they are yours or your brothers you are just thankful there are clean ones to put on
• actually, you really don't care much about the clean part either
• your brother will be first to speak up on all your your failures and mistakes but you can't remember a thing that you did wrong!
• food is used to eat but also LOTS of fun to throw!
• when you break any 10 of your fingers, mom no longer takes you to the doctor...she just buddy tapes it and tells you to go run and play
• the oldest brother was potty-trained at the age of 2, your youngest one is 3 and mom is just not worried how and when it will happen
• when you are the baby sister, all you have to do is stand and scream and everyone either runs from you or runs TO you depending on the situation
• you find yourself ducking and flinching because there are things flying through the air many times a day
• you begin to think NFL players are part of the family because their names are brought up as much as cousins are
• neighbors look in your yard and just assume that any extra boys in the yard are yours too
• you find yourself wondering why you even have a toilet in your home...they never use it and if they do...their aim is so bad that you have to clean the floor  multiple times a day
• you start wishing they would just go outside and go relieve themselves because it would save on cleaner
• by the end of the day, mom has an entire dandelion bouquet on the kitchen window sill
• mom walks into church after all the boys with the fire alarm going off and while everyone is frantically running around trying to figure out what has happened, mom begins to quickly put the pieces together that one of her innocent little ones has set it off and must admit and apologize to one of the elders!
• The next week, 2 of the boys are standing at the alarm with their hands on it looking at you with a smile on their faces pretending they are going to pull it...you run towards them lunging in fear and they run
• you spend MANY more hours than you normally would on your knees knowing it is the only way you can survive the next day!

I would not trade my life for ANYTHING and although my many boys have increased my grey hairs immensely, it is worth it all!  The other day we were at our local bowling alley and I could not figure out why 4 of the boys were digging in their pockets and intently staring at a certain game.  Eventually the 10 year old came running over to inform me that they put their quarters together to try and win mom a necklace!  My heart skipped a beat knowing they wanted to use their hard earned (or stolen money from their sister's billfolds), to get mom a gift!  I smiled and told all of them thank you but please next time, save their money and make me a card!  It blessed my heart and I realized that someday, this will all be a memory and I will look back and laugh and then cry because I will miss it!

Boys are somethin' and they do keep me on my knees but I think that is where God wants me anyway and what a joy to be given such a gift as He has given me in my boys to get me to that place of surrender! 

I'm so thankful for my boys!  (And my girls too!) 


 

It's all good

I cannot believe all that God has done this week!
 (I am really in awe of that every week!)
He showed up at our annual church campmeeting
He has given our family a direction for Him
Lives were forever touched and changed for eternity
I miss going this week
The new bedtime was 3 hours later than normal ALL last week
The new waking time was about 2 hours later than normal
It was nice but ready to get back on schedule

I had 2 kids away at grandma and grandpa's all week
One got TERRIBLY homesick
It was hard on me
He survived
So did I :)

It has been so grossingly (new word)  HOT
If you know much about me, I DO NOT like summer
I think it's going to be a long one!
I am thankful for my home with central air
Actually my kids are thankful because...
I am a GRUMP when I can't cool off FAST

I have a slower week planned
Music lessons and fun activites
I will NOT be taking part in the fireworks
Why?  It will be 98 degrees that day
My kids would like to ENJOY them
Not possible with a grumpy mom

I have let go of my oldest son since he has left
Maybe a little too much I am finding out
Nothing better than learning you are missed by your child
It gives me warm fuzzies
I realize that all the work of raising a child pays off
I get to realize that 11 more times :)

Getting ready for a garage sale
It is SO time consuming
Hoping it is worth it!
I can't believe how much 'stuff' accumulates
Getting rid of most everything
We don't want to pay for our storage unit any longer
Last week, my hubby and I went through EVERYTHING one by one
It was actually fun being together and going over memories
Wondering why I saved some things

Nothing monumental in our lives have changed
We are more content and at peace than we have ever been!
It's been quite a journey
I would not trade it for ANYTHING!
It's ALL good!

Birthday's are not a big deal you say?

A couple weeks ago, my oldest daughter turned 17. 

The week before she had stated to me that birthday's were not a big deal so I took that as my cue to make it a big deal! 

I called a couple of people and they helped me out.

 They came early on her birthday morning and surprised her by waking her up. 

We snuck upstairs, (well as quietly as you can with 7 brothers, 6 girls, 1 dad and 1 mom!)  yelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sprayed silly string and placed an air horn in her ear. 

(I will not post pictures of that ordeal because she might not like pictures of her in her jammies)

However...

I did want to share a little bit of the beauty of friends and memories!  

She was SO surprised and I doubt she will say birthday's are not a big deal anymore!  

Out to lunch at Pizza Ranch

Friends in Christ are friends forever!

We ALL enjoyed your special day and you are special to us!!

We love you!

To our Sugar-dia

Where has time gone?

I remember putting you down for nap and you would sing "Jesus Loves Me" until you fell asleep
Then wake up singing "This Little Light of Mine" until I would come to get you telling you it was time to get up

Now, you let your light shine to little African children this past year

while telling them Jesus loves THEM

You told me when you were 5 years old that God told you in a dream that you were going to be a missionary...

That same week, you told me God told you I was going to have a baby boy

I found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant

8 months later, your little brother was born!

God has done AMAZING things in your life and you never want any attention drawn to yourself and the things you do In Jesus name

However...

I am sooo proud of you and I am your mom, so I will let everyone know how AMAZING you are!

You give without expecting anything in return

You have no desires for things of this world

You understand that all things on this earth are temporary

You allow God to mold you and you trust Him with your life

(Even to travel across the world at 16!)

You are waiting on God and allowing Him to show you HIS plan!

He has great plans for you!

Plans to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future!

I know you will continue to follow Him wherever He leads and you have my word that I will continue to trust Him also as I watch His plan for your life unfold!

(Yes, even if that means sending you away again, to another country to show other's His love!)

You have shown and taught me so much and I appreciate the way you look at life!

What a blessing you are to me my sweet girl!

We love you and your family wants to tell you...

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!

And your dad personally wants to tell you...

Happy Birthday Fruitcake! :)

Foto Friday~ Welcoming summer

Brother's take time to smile for the camera

Little sister doesn't just sit watching anymore!

 God's beauty and "beauties"

Experiencing the new found freedom of walking in the great outdoors...

A world to explore!

The beauty is all around us!

Yep, he is as mischievous as this picture portrays!

Good food and cousins!

Can't wait to see what our summer memories will be this year!

Sand soap and noodles on the wall

Our home is overflowing with boys!  7 boys 11 years and younger to be exact!  Yes, we have 4 girls but my boys are leaving their mark/marks all over!  I say and do some things during the day that when I sit down at night I CANNOT believe I have done and said!  Here are a few:

• "NO!!!  PLEASE stop throwing your wet pull-up against the dresser!  Now go pick up all the pieces!"
• Speaking of pull-ups, it is NOT fun to cleaning up the contents of them after they have gone through the wash cycle in the washing machine!
• "Why do you have your brother's pants down?"
• Speaking of pants down, I have now changed a diaper in every place imaginable!  From the living room floor to a car floor and I have even changed one while they are sitting up in a stroller! (Although I don't recommend it!)
• While we are on that subject, I NEVER understand why I don't just wash a pair of boy's underwear when I am in doubt if they are dirty!  Smelling them first is just not the best idea! 
• "NO you cannot ride on that dog!"
• "Get your feet out of your baby's sister's face!  She does NOT want to kiss your toes!"
• Speaking of toes, I will never figure out how we are always looking for a "pair" of shoes as we are racing out the door and usually the match is not even located in the home when it is found! It's usually outside, in the car, a mud puddle or possibly hanging on the basketball rim!
• "No, I don't know what will happen if you throw that spaghetti noodle up to the ceiling fan!  No, I don't WANT to know!  Yes, you might think it would be fun but I don't!"
• It is always a mystery to me how a boy can be in a shower for a VERY long time and get out with knees, ankles and face still caked with dirt!
• Speaking of showering, how is it that I can shower for months, possibly years, and the shower curtain NEVER falls down, but when 2 brother's are in together, the curtain falls EVERY time!
• There are times when I have bought a brand new bottle of shampoo only to find it totally empty the next day with a HUGE soap scum ring up to the top of the tub!  Gives a new meaning to bubble bath!
• I have picked up the bar of soap at the bottom of the tub and start to soap off only to realize that it was COVERED in sand!!  Good for exfoliating I guess!
• "It is not kind to tell that man that his hair is messed up and a good thing he does not have much!"
• "We DO NOT hold each other down until they scream!  Why?  Because it is just not nice!"
• I am soooo thankful I do have 7 boys around!  We have on occasion, bats in our house and they are ALWAYS willing to slay them for me with a tennis racket!  For that I am VERY thankful!
• "Why is there underwear in the ceiling light?"
• "Get off the garage roof and get that ladder back NOW!!!"

There are days, I wonder if I will make it through!  I have learned to ask myself MANY times, will they be doing this 10 years from now and does it really matter?  (I have also come to find that I don't always like the answer!)  Lol!  My guess is some of these things they might still be doing 10 years from now!  *sigh*  So for now, I must take a deep breath and learn to laugh it away and remind myself that someday, I WILL miss this!  Life with little boys is always an adventure but I LOVE seeing their little innocent ways and how they bring me flowers (weeds)  just because they want to see me smile!  I hope they do grow up and call me "blessed" some day!  It will be worth the sand soap and noodles on the walls!

This is how we roll...

...Or at least not stick to everything!

 After 8 boys, I have learned that eating popsicles in the bathtub,

Is by FAR the easiest way to clean up!

And OH sooooo fun for them!

Sisters

Sisters are the BEST! I lost my only sister in a

car accident when I was 16 so I never get to

experience the joy that sisters bring!

Yes, there are times when it's not so rosy but the

fun and togetherness FAR outweigh the struggles!

I have watched them grow from playmates to best friends.

They encourage each other and frustrate each other

They share each other's clothes and their hearts too

A life-long bond that will not fade with

time

but deepen

A true treasure to hear them talk about

 the things of Christ and listen to them as

 they help each other learn the ropes

 of growing up

I never had this, but I get to WATCH it right before

my eyes!

The giggles, jokes, and realizing life together side by

 side is truly pricesless!

What a gift from God sister's are!

Update~

It's been awhile!  Not really sure why...I guess maybe just time to gather thoughts.  Maybe a little bit of just plain tired of life at times and no real desire to write about it.  A pity party of sorts I suppose.  That sounds terrible!  I really am not the kind that tires of life!  I can always find the rose in the middle of the thorns...HOWEVER this has been a VERY thorny time and that rose has been a touch harder to find at times.  The great thing is, that even though I got scraped a few times and maybe even had my heart bleed at times from the thorns, I have found MANY roses through this journey.  Not just one, but many!  Sometimes you have to experience the thorns to appreciate the roses that much more.

We have had more job rejections (3 to be exact!).  After 3 interviews, my dear husband thought he had the job!  The rejection came last week.  After 18 months of being unemployed sometimes, I don't know how much more he can take.  A man is supposed to provide, and God has given them that desire.  What is the first question asked to a man?  "What do you do for a living?"  That is how they are measured...on this earth anyway.  We are learning more and more, that our worth is NOT in our circumstances or the world's eyes, it is in Christ's eyes.  In order to see what that worth is, we have to go to the cross!  It has been an eye opener!  The cross is the ONLY place we can see our true worth!  The one who died because he loved us so very much!  When we try to find it in other ways, exercise, the food we eat, our spouse, our children, our church, those around us, etc...we will come up short!  And VERY disappointed!  Man will always let us down at some point, but God never will!  Our continued journey to find our worth through Christ's eyes continues.  No job, but that's okay...our hope is in Jesus, not a job!  He has proven Himself over and over and we will not be dismayed!  Our journey has made us stronger and brought us closer to the One who supplies our every need.  I am so thankful!

My oldest left the nest yesterday.  A hard day for me.  He is not going too far but everything from here on out changes.  No more can I say, "Yep, they all live with me under the same roof!"  No more bringing babies home while he is at home.  Will he ever know the young ones?  Not in the same way!  That breaks my heart!  That has been a difficult thing for me to swallow!  I knew the day was coming but I don't think I could ever be prepared emotionally.  He called lots yesterday and today he is lonely.  He loves his siblings and is not used to quiet.  I tried to tell him to come home but then...I realized it is best for him to stay.  It is a new normal for both of us.  One I don't like but yet this is the time I raised him for.  To go make a life for himself.  Out of my hands and into God's heart.  To find out HIS true identity!  Hoping he will continue to find it in Christ, not the world.  My heart aches but I know this is the beginning of a new chapter for all of us.  Yes, through the thorns, I WILL find a rose!

We are loving our home.  It has always felt like home.  We have no clue how long we will be here but we are so thankful everyday for a place of our own directly from God's heart!  Make sure you appreciate where you lay your head every night!  It is a blessing to have a place to call home!  You realize that, when you fear losing it all!  I now understand, it truly is family that makes a home, not just 4 walls!  We are "neighboring" and we are spreading the love of Jesus with this lost world!  It is all around us!  Don't forget that!  People are hurting and need to hear of Him!  They just need love and to feel love.  When you do it, people will reciprocate it!  Try it!  It will amaze you.  Bring a meal, say "hello", just smile!  People are wanting to feel the love of Christ and He wants to use you to do it!  In the thorns of this move, we have found that rose!  He is using us to reach out to others.  I am so honored that He choose us to do it here, where we are, in this moment!

Well, the last rose I will share, is this:

We have not had our family picture taken for years!  (You try getting 8 boys and 3 teenage girls ready!)  A wonderful person, offered to do them at no cost to us, for a Christmas gift.  We were so excited!  And it went SO well!  (Well, the 3 teenage girl things and keeping 8 boys clean, was still a challenge), but we survived! 

The outcome was great!

Remember, yes...there will be thorns, but always know that there are roses too!  Just keep searching and don't give up!