Be still

Love others who hurt you
Bring truth to those who are untrue
Show the love you have for God and bring it to others
There is so much darkness around
Don't become dim
Look to truth and know that God's heart is light
Other's NEED to know how to recieve that light!
Do not lean on your OWN understanding
Follow God's way not your feelings
Your feelings can decieve you

Walk by faith and NOT by sight

When everything is caving in around you,
Remember...

Be still and know that HE is GOD!

The white flag of surrender

Motherhood has not been easy lately!

(In fact, this picture was taken right in the middle of all the chaos!)

I have gone through some "issues" that have brought me to my knees A LOT!

It seems the questions have no anwers and there are SO many of them!

My reactions have been quick and my tongue has not been bitten much!

(I am realizing it would be better to feel the physical pain of that than dealing with the regret of harsh answers!)

I have had these times before but this time it has had a twist I can't explain

I feel like I should beable to hold everything together

Now realizing I just can't!

The other day,

I had it!

  I looked at my boys and said,

"You win! I wave my white flag!  I surrender!  I have nothing left!" 

They looked at me in confusion and a blank look but continued on as if nothing happened!

 HA! Surprise, surprise!

Suddenly, I heard that sweet voice from my heavenly Father,

"Why don't you surrender that white flag to ME!  You were not meant to carry it anyway!"

Oh yeah!  I forgot that! 

 I began to see I was searching the file cabinet of MY wisdom looking for the anwers! 

He was reminding me that it just does not work that way! 

HE is the way, the truth and the life! 

That is why I was at the end so to speak!

I was thinking of MY way, MY truth and it was sucking the life right out of me!

So I gave Him the flag, got on my knees and let Him do the rest!

Are there still questions?  Yep!

However, I have found rest...

A place where I can be still and know that He is God!

Someday, my 2nd greatest desire is that my children rise up and call me blessed!

(That is not from a motive of selfishness but born out of desire to know that my children must see Christ in me!)

The first desire is that they are sold out for Christ daily and will enter the pearly gates!  But I do think they coincide!

It is not possible if I am doing it on my own but God's grace and love, will carry me through these years of MANY messes, attitudes, ungratefulness, meals, running errands, and repeated training times that I wonder if anything is really getting through!

As a mother, there is so much enduring! 

But I can choose to look at it as drudgery OR look at it as an honor that I have been called to be Jesus hands and feet at this time in their lives. 

To help form their hearts in love and mold their hearts to seek and search for Christ!

How is that done? 

Not sure totally!

I do know, that giving up that white flag of surrender to Him, I am guaranteed He has the answer!

Do you need to wave your flag or are you carrying it all yourself?

Let it go!  He will amaze you!

Where have I...

...been, you ask?

Well...you would probably not believe all of it if I told you!  And I am sure I don't have the room and you don't have the time!  But I will clue you in on a few things...

• As of yesterday, we had 1 day to pack and move out
• Today, our house sold at auction to the bank
• We have about 2 weeks to get out!  (Better than 24 hours!)
• A DEAR lady has volunteered her empty home to our family to live in, free of rent as long as we need it! 
• That is AMAZING! 
• We have LOTS of work to do but my kids have GREAT attitudes!
• I went through a terrible loss but I am recovering with peace
• God has provided in BEAUTIFUL, UNEXPECTED ways!
• We all had the stomach flu that strung out over a span of 2 weeks
• Yes, it was as bad as it sounds! 
• We survived!  (I still am wanting a shirt to wear that reads, " I survived being a mom of 12 with the flu!")
• My husband had an interview
• We have not heard back yet
• We are still praying for a particular blessing that we feel God has for us
• Not sure of the timing, but we know God knows what is best for us
• I have never been through as much as I have been through in the past 2 months
• God has never felt closer!
• His grace is ever-present and my faith has become SO great!
• That is only through Him because He has carried us
• My husband has been a pillar and I am so totally in love with him even more
• All of this is worth it to show God how much I love Him and that I trust Him
• He can be trusted and His way IS best even if we don't understand it
• I have had moments of kicking and screaming quite often
• I finally am "still"
• It's better that way
• Our lives will be changing even more, but with His hand, we will be more than okay!

Thank you for your continued prayers!  I cannot tell you how they have carried me through!  What we have been through, has forever changed me.  I will be Jesus hands and feet and not depend that others are doing it!  I will get my hands "dirty" and dig deep to make sure that I am used by Him to love others in the way that He has shown us HIS love and provision!

I will be continuing the story, but time may be far and few between until we get moved.  Hang in there with your hands folded in prayer!  I am truly humbled!

Thoughts of Thanks

This year I look back and we have been through some "stuff"!  I realized there are 2 ways to look at things.  You can sit back and complain about all the things you DON'T have OR look at all the things you DO have and realize how much favor and blessing you have on your life from God.  Everyday I can find many things that I am thankful for!  I am overwhelmed with the thought that my Heavenly Father loves me so much, that He has decided to pour out continual blessings in my life!  Hearing of my children's trip while they were in Africa also placed a contentment in my heart that makes me realize just how much we do have and that we are a blessed people!  I will never look at things the same way!

I am thankful for...

healthy children...a loving husband...loving parents...a place to live...appliances...pillows and blankets...beds...a bible to read whenever I want ...ability to learn ...electricity and water...the ability to feed 12 tummies...grocery stores...soap...an abundance of friends...music...safety...cars...smiles on children's faces...birthday's...dates with my hubby...dates with my children...talks with my daughters...a furnace...an 18 year old who still likes mom to give him hugs...hugs and kisses in general...socks...closet full of clothes ...people giving us clothes...thrift stores..children who love God!

A God who never gives up on me!
HIS...

 Extreme Mercy

Extravagant Grace

Unwavoring Acceptance

Unconditional love

Forgiveness

Hope that He holds my future

When we look at the things that we have, it gives us reason to celebrate and look at things differently!  We can rejoice and know that we are a blessed people.  Even when things around us are going crazy, it is ALWAYS possible to see the good if we choose to do so. 

Write a list, I ensure you, it will brighten your day and it will make your load seem a little lighter!

Make it a habbit to have..

THOUGHTS OF THANKS!

Coming this week...

my daughter will be sharing her journey to Africa!  Stay tuned!

The Father's love...

All of my life I have had abandonment issues.  It started with my parents divorce and then continued throughout my life.  My sister died in a car accident years ago, my best friend moved away while we were in high school and so many other things I could write to "prove" that I should have this issue.

God tells me differently!  He WILL not leave me!  WAIT!  Is that true?  He won't EVER abandon me?  Even when I fail Him?!  Even when I do things over and over and seem to STILL struggle?!  I have always had a hard time believing that!  I can't let it penetrate to my heart!  Even now, while I am watching all of the things in our life unfold and I SEE Him working, I STILL have a very hard time grasping that He desires to be my Father and provide for me just because He loves me!  I cannot comprehend that just because I am His daughter,  I don't ever have to prove myself to Him or try to gain His approval.  You mean my hair does not have to be perfect, it doesn't matter what clothes I wear, or even how good of a mother and wife I am?!  I am in His heart just because I am me! 

I am sure that this is all part of the refining process that He is continuing to do in me.  It is so very hard for me to see that He desires good things for me!  Hard for me to understand that He would love for me to lay in His arms and comfort me!  He is for me and not against me!  So for this moment and hopefully here after, I will realize that my Heavenly Father :

 Is my encourager

Is my source of life

Will NEVER abandon me

only wants good for me

wants me to FULLY trust Him and Him alone

knows my heart and treasures it

sees me as a precious daughter

can satisfy ALL of my longings

can be trusted

can and WILL provide

gave me my precious children

WILL take care of them also

holds today AND my eternity in His hands

I have been reminded today, as I battle the thoughts of, " why do I deserve all that He has done and is doing?"  Then the humbleness and realization of the fact that I really DON'T deserve ANYTHING but He loves me and I am His child.  It has brought me to my knees in tears realizing that He is the Father I have always desired and that HE is who He says He is and that He loves me because of who I AM!  That is simply AWESOME and I am so thankful I have a Father I can rest in and loves me! 

Understand, my friend, that He is the same for you!  Just sit back and allow Him to love on you! There is nothing He wants more, than for us to soak up His love!  That is where we can fully understand His plan for us...you can be assured, that you can do nothing in yourself to deserve it!  It is just because He is God and you are His child!  

Flowers from God

Years ago, we were going through a REALLY hard time.  I had one of those times where I kept praying and nothing seemed to be happening.  Months of waiting.  Have you ever been there?  I may have even been having a pity party for myself.  (I know hard to believe!)  I used to do that quite often!  Okay, I'm humble!  I have still been known to do that time to time!  Anyway, I asked for God to show me that He had not forgotten me!  Just something to hang on to.  My faith in God was strong but I needed something tangible!  I continued with my day, went to bed with no sign but kept believing.  The next morning, I went to my back door to go do laundry and I looked down, and there was a bouquet of BEAUTIFUL fresh picked flowers!  I kneeled down on the floor and wept.  I still to this day have NO clue who set them there.  I am convinced that an angel of the Lord put them there.  I knew EXACTLY what it meant!  God knew I needed to "see" Him and He revealed His love to me in such an obvious way.

The next week, was a week of blessing.  We began to see answers in our lives that were SO God!  The flowers were the beginning of His promise to take care of me!  Well, since then God has revealed His love to me through flowers.  I know, it sounds strange but it is SO true!  God has USED people to give me flowers but everytime I receive flowers, God reveals Himself in great ways!  One time it was a lilac bush!  That was an amazing time of praise in my life.  After one of my miscarriages, the hospital brought me one white rose.  I knew it was God reminding me He had not forgotten me!  4 weeks later, I was pregnant again already!  There are many other times that He has poured out His love on me through flowers. 

Usually these flowers come from the most unusual places.  Not my husband, or anyone expected.  Neighbors and even strangers have given them to me!  Oh and the best ones are the ones picked from from my sweet children's hands!  Always at the most unexpected time!  Okay, to tell you why I have gone in such detail to tell you about my Heavenly Father bringing me flowers!

The week before my birthday, I received a bouquet of flowers!  My children know of my Father's love affair with me and how He always "brings" me flowers to display His love for me.  I layed them on the table and my daughter walked by, and said, "MOM, God gave you flowers!  Something good must be coming!"

I had really not thought about it yet, but looked at her and said, "Oh thank you for reminding me, I wonder what is coming!"  Well, the next week was the "blessing" over me that God gave my husband and EVERYDAY since my birthday (that is 8 days), God has given us a blessing of money.  Mind you, we have NEVER once asked for money!  People who know us, have prayed and things have even been revealed to others that we are not sure how they know but God has USED others to bring blessing to us.   This week alone, we have received over $2000!  Oh and do I thank them for their obedience!  Don't ever dismiss what God may have you do for others!  He will use it in a mighty way!  We also had a water bill that kept reading $0 so my husband called and the next month, the same thing!  Finally, our local water works came because I guess our meter had broke.  They fixed it and my husband went to pay the bill that was 2 days from getting shut off from the 2 months before when the meter DID work!  He assumed they would prorate it from the months before and God had blessed us so much that we could actually catch up.  He talked to them, showed them the bill, and they said they could not just "make up" a bill and we did not have to pay for the 2 months previous!  Another blessing! 

Well, I have another HUGE story that is in the works, of God's faithfulness.  I can't get into it now because I feel I need to wait until it is complete, but I am giving you my word, that you WILL hear about it!  Remember, we are losing our home in 4 weeks and we are wondering where God is going to do to direct us!  That is all I will say!

Please be mindful of the little things in your life that God may be trying to show you He is there!  I know He uses flowers for me!  Ask Him to show you what His reminder is for you!  I GUARANTEE you He will show you something He does just for you!  He LOVES to give His children good gifts!  You ARE one of His children!  By the way, ON my birthday morning, I received this...

Just wait until you hear what He has done for us after this beautiful flower display!

  

Year of blessing is upon us

My birthday was on the 8th of October.  I turned a number that ends in 0.  It is not 30 and not 50.  So you can pretty much guess what that number is.  Well, I dreaded the day.  I had a REALLY hard time turning 30!  Why?  Because it meant 40 was the next big one!  Needless to say I survived and lived to tell about it!  It happened to be the most memorable birthday so far.  Here's the story...

My grandma grew up in a small town that I ABSOLUTELY love.  Lots of great memories for me and when I go back there, I just feel all warm and fuzzy inside!  A piece of heaven on earth.  So, for my birthday, I asked my husband if we could go there for the day.  The baby, him and I left around noon.  My husband began to talk to me.  He said he was going to give me a card, then he was going to write a letter but he decided speaking what he had to say was the only way. 

God layed on his heart earlier that week a word for me that he was supposed to share.  He began to tell me of how God had spoke the number "40" in his heart and what symbolism it has in the bible.  Noah with 40 days and nights, Moses was on the mountain for 40 days before he received the 10 commandments, Jesus was in the desert 40 days and nights and tempted by satan himself, the Israelites wandered around for 40 years...He began to search it out and realized it always meant trial and tribulation.  He felt like that was NOT good to share with me ON my birthday!  Did it mean my 40th year was going to get worse?  We have been through so much!  Especially this past year.  Job loss, miscarriage, my grandmother dying, gestational diabetes with my pregnancy, children going to Africa for 6 weeks, losing our house and MANY other things.  He was very hesitant to go any further!  God then spoke to him very sweetly and reminded him that it will be my 41ST year!  40 years is done and what happened after all the things mentioned in the bible after 40 years?  BLESSING!  God poured out blessing, favor and His hand was seen!  God shared with my husband that the "desert" and wandering are over!  Everything that the enemy has come to destroy will be returned to me and His glory will be seen this coming year!  WOW!  Needless to say, I was crying by the time He finished!

I felt like all that we have been through, was wiped away that instant!  Not liked wiped away and forgotten but wiped away as in peace replaced all the doubt.  All the times of wondering, questioning, and anxiousness were OVER!  It was actually something that I had already knew, just not in the way God spoke to my husband.  I had more of the idea of Christmas and what it is like to have this fun gift to give your child and you can't wait for him to open it but you know it is best to wait for that special day!  God is waiting for that day when He can reveal His plan.  A day when we are at the end and we realize that there is NO one but God who can get us out of our mess!  

We went out to dinner that evening and on our way home, my 14 year old called and was so excited!  She was talking really fast and I told her to slow down so I could understand her.  She continued to tell me that in the mail we received an envelope.  She opened it and it had a letter with a check in it.  A SUBSTANTIAL amount!   An amount that I cannot imagine anyone being able to just write a check for without being late on bills or making a house payment on time!  I know, hard to believe, I began to cry!  God was confirming my husbands word to me that the year of blessing was upon us!  We don't know who sent the check.  The letter just said that they read my blog and that they wanted to bless us.  BOY did they ever!  It was from the hand of God!  We are so thankful for obedience and a willingness to give in this way to us.  It is so much more than the money!  It is a peace that God IS for us!  If He is for us, who can be against us?!  The check was great and did help us make it this month with our bills that we had NO way to pay!  But more importantly, it came ON my birthday and it is proof that our year of blessing is upon us and that God is going to continue to provide!  I already knew that, but to SEE it is so amazing! 

I have some other little stories that I will share in the weeks to come of His blessings and from the way it looks, more that I don't know about yet.  I thank you for all of your prayers and want you to know we feel them!  Please know God IS who He says He is, and He does what He says He is going to do!  Take care of His children!  If you have something that you are not sure if He is hearing you and things look really bad, hang in there and keep your eyes focused on Him NOT your circumstances!  They are NOTHING to Him!  They can change with just one word from His heart!

40 isn't so bad after all!

One year ago...

Today, is the one year anniversary of my sweet, precious grandma's death.

She is sitting at Jesus feet now.

 It's actually where she always longed to be!

But I am selfish and wish I could be sitting with her in my living room!

I have missed her so much!

I don't quite know how I have done it without her!

She always had so much wisdom to share. 

She had a way of making me know I was not alone when I was not the parent I should have been...

When I failed to love my husband the way God intended, she would share with me the ways she failed as a wife but how forgiving God was with her.

Most importantly, she showed me the power of a relationship with Christ! 

The power of prayer and that the bible is the LIVING word of God and that it will NEVER fail me!

So although I miss her, I realize that the legacy she has left me, will be passed down for generations and she is always with me! 

And that sweet day, when I enter the gates of heaven, she will be there with her arms opened wide and tell me of all the things she has learned again!  Oh that sweet, sweet day!

This is what legends are made of!

I am loaded with thoughts today...

````Feeling melancholy`````

````My husband said today, that he feels like he is in Jericho and the walls are falling down on him````

````It has been a year without a job now````

````I want to encourage my husband````

````God is the only one who can fully do that right now````

````I am trusting that God knows everything about our situation and He ALWAYS provides````

````If He gave us everything we wanted at the time we wanted it, we would not have the ability to appreciate His faithfulness to it's fullest```

````When there are no answers, we have no one to trust but God````

````To have "faith of a child" means that when we get up in the morning, we know God is taking care of us````

````Why do we search for OUR ways, when we know that Gods way is best?````

````I am reminded that sending my kids to Africa came at just the right time for us to be reminded of God's provision````

````Our kids faith is built by watching us go through tough times and how we rely on God````
````If that is what it takes for my children to see Jesus, it is ALL worth it!````

````I hope I have been and will be a testimony to them in their future and now````

````I have realized the things I once thought I NEEDED were just comforts````

````I am so thankful for the things I do have````

````Amazing how when you have everything stripped away, the things that really matter become clearer````

````When you have the ability to not focus on self, you start to desire to serve other's more````

````That is where true joy begins to seep in and eventually overflows with abundance````

````Would I walk through this valley again?````

Yes, because it has been the greatest spiritual growing experience I have ever encountered

After all...

These stories are what legends are made of and the testimonies of how Jesus brought us through that can be passed down from generation to generation of how God loves and provides for His children!

I will continue to walk and not be shaken! 

Used not use!

Have you ever had times where your spirit just wept! 

God has sent our family to spiritual "boot camp" and WOW has it been rough on our flesh!  We have kept moving forward and muddled through, however!  We had some issues that kept rearing it's ugly head and my husband began to realize that we had to get rid of it once and for ALL!  It started way before our revival week at church and then God used that week to encourage us and give us wisdom.  The past couple of weeks have been an adjustment to all that we have taken in!  Things have changed SO much in our home.  They are not perfect by any means!  We have 14 people under the same roof with all kinds of attitudes and personalities but the joy and love that the enemy was trying to zap us from is back!  Really it is not BACK, it is THERE!  It is different!  More genuine, from within!  The kind that only God can give! 

So back to my first sentence!  Earlier this week, I had a day where I just had a mourning in my heart.  The kind I could not explain.  I sobbed, prayed, read my bible to get through the intensity.   Not PMS, not the "woman" kind of crying.  Something from deep within!  I have had it before but not this intense.  I began to ask God what He was trying to tell me and show me.  I can say that I am still not totally sure but something He did make clear was that His heart hurts deeply for His children! They wander around with confusion and pain!  He wants USE his children, not be USED by them.  So I began to examine MY heart!  Do I go to Him when I need something and then leave and do my own thing when I do or don't get my way?  Or am I there right along side Him constantly even when I don't like what is going on around me?  Do I live for today as His word says or am I living with the questions daily, "What if I...? Or "If only I..."  God revealed to me, if I am being His hands and His feet everyday, then I don't need to look ahead or think back!  He has something for me and all of His children for TODAY!  A simple smile to give, a kiss on a cheek to my child, a choice of giving grace instead of what somebody deserves!  That is how we can be USED by Him!  So I have been asking A LOT lately how I can be used so that I will be HIS hands and HIS feet! 

I don't want to ever USE or abuse the grace and mercy He has given so freely!  I desire so much for my children to understand that!  I pray they see Him in me and that they know God is their Abba Father!  (Daddy!)  There is nothing He desires more than to care for us soak up His love!  Let Him do that for you TODAY!  He wants to take away the confusion and pain!  He has that ability!  Just let Him in and call upon Him!  He cares for you!

What a revival does!

This past week we have been attending an old fashioned camp-meeting revival!  We have had real encounters with the Holy Spirit and are soooooo thankful for the timing!  The late nights have been a stretch for us but it is ALL worth it!

Our family has been under attack lately.  It started out very subtly!  Talking back, then lying and on to stealing from siblings and then flat out rebellion.  God began to speak to me in my heart after WEEKS of enduring, that we were under attack.  The Word says, "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities of the darkness of the air..."  Our children's hearts have been attacked and the enemy had blinded us as parents thinking it's just life, it is just a stage we are going thorugh, it will be okay!  You see I have learned that the enemy IS the author of lies HOWEVER he will also deceive us into believing something that MAY be true!  It was true, it has been rough the past few months with no job, unreliable schedules, little income, etc!  BUT that is no excuse for us to give up and accept chaos and bad behavior as the norm!   Our children (and us!) are up against sooooo very much in this world!   Media, peers, and the reality of this sin-filled world are only a few things that our children face!  If not careful, they and we can become numb to the world's ways and suffer greatly from it in all area's of their/our lives!   I told my oldest kids the other day, that I used to say "mommy" prayers but now God is calling me to say "MOTHER" prayers on their behalf!  If the enemy can get to our kids, then He can shake the whole family and destroy everything that God has built up! 

Last night my husband went to the alter and lifted up our family.  I stood behind him and we rebuked the enemy from our family and vowed to fight fervently for our children's hearts!  The enemy can attack hard but does not stand a chance when we are walking in the spirit and have God as our commander!  Many things happened last night and I can't wait to see what He has for us tonight.  God has a plan for all of us and we are important to His kingdom!  Begin to ask God what your family needs.  He hears you and knows them better than you!  We have been changed and it is SO evident in our home today!  We cannot wait to see what He has for us in the future!  We need, as parents, to fight for our children's souls.  It has eternal value!  Don't let the enemy tell you any different! 

Turn those essential, wonderful, precious "mommy" prayers, into life changing, powerful, fighting enemy "MOTHER" prayers!  Your family is depending on it! 

Oh Father, the enemy has a target and it is our children hearts!  I am crying out to you to show me the ways that my children struggle that I can go to battle for them and TEACH them to wear your armor and eventually be able to fight themselves!  Our family is yours and we live for you!  We know that if You are for us, than nobody can be against us!  We have power in your name to speak and you hear us!  Help me to cultivate a heart of worship to You so my children will also walk in your spirit.  Thank you for helping me on this journey of motherhood and helping me realize that you have given me the tools to fight for my family!  Revive what the enemy has tried to steal from us!  Amen!

And that is what a revival can do! :)

What's going on?

It's Monday and I am...
...tired
...weary
...realizing it really does not matter
...facing the fact that 7 boys under 10 yrs keeps me moving no matter what I feel like!
...looking forward to not having to put coats on everyone to go somewhere
...especially looking forward to not having to tell many kids to hang those coats up!
...finally figuring out my laundry folding NEVER ends!
...dreading putting it away because it is the worst chore
...trying to plan 2 weeks of meals for my older kids to do after the baby gets here
...wondering how I will shop for the ingredients without them getting ate before we need them
...nesting
...trying to figure out with my husband the things we DO NOT want the hospital to do after the baby is born.  (ex- silver nitrate in the eyes, hep. B shot, cutting the cord to soon, etc...)
...trying to figure out where 11 kids will go for 2 days while I am in the hospital
...thinking maybe they can just be at home
...making sure their bags are packed if we send some of them to grandma's
...thinking I will pack mine in a couple of weeks
...reading a new book called 'Captivating' by Stasi Eldridge and cannot put it down once I start!
...sorting socks and wondering where in the world the matches go
...honored to have a mom that is also my friend
...blessed to have a husband who is my best friend
...realizing God keeps me humble by sending people unexpectedly to my home for a visit
...amazed at how much pride I have sometimes
...thankful for mercy and grace that my Father gives me numerous times a day!
...thinking we might do 2 more weeks of school and then take our break until after the baby comes
...amazed my oldest is almost done with homeschooling and going to graduate THIS year!
...having fun watching my children grow up and become independent
...feeling the sadness at how fast it goes, however
...feeling the hour less sleep from yesterday especially when I hardly sleep anyway!
...being taught to rest in Jesus!

I have cleared my mind now!  Wow, it feels better!  Now I am ready to face the week!  Bring it on!  But boy am I glad I don't have to face it alone!

I am so convicted!

INFERIOR MISGIVINGS ABOUT JESUS
 

This was my daily devotion from Oswald Chambers over the weekend and it just really convicted me.  Thought I would share:

"Sir, Thou hast nothing to draw with." John 4:11


"I am impressed with the wonder of what God says, but He cannot expect me really to live it out in the details of my life!" When it comes to facing Jesus Christ on His own merits, our attitude is one of pious superiority - Your ideals are high and they impress us, but in touch with actual things, it cannot be done. Each of us thinks about Jesus in this way in some particular. These misgivings about Jesus start from the amused questions put to us when we talk of our transactions with God - Where are you going to get your money from? How are you going to be looked after? Or they start from ourselves when we tell Jesus that our case is a bit too hard for Him. It is all very well to say "Trust in the Lord," but a man must live, and Jesus has nothing to draw with - nothing whereby to give us these things. Beware of the pious fraud in you which says - I have no misgivings about Jesus, only about myself. None of us ever had misgivings about ourselves; we know exactly what we cannot do, but we do have misgivings about Jesus. We are rather hurt at the idea that He can do what we cannot.


My misgivings arise from the fact that I ransack my own person to find out how He will be able to do it. My questions spring from the depths of my own inferiority. If I detect these misgivings in myself, let me bring them to the light and confess them - "Lord, I have had misgivings about Thee, I have not believed in Thy wits apart from my own; I have not believed in Thine almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it." 

WOW!!

Your resource or SOURCE

I grew up with scripture.

Singing songs with scripture, memorizing scripture and watched my parents use scripture as

their basis for living.

I have been convicted recently on how I use the Word of God in my life.  Do I use it as my SOURCE for everything or is it just a resource I use when I feel like I need it?  Something I turn to when I feel I need something.  I am sad to admit, that WAY to many times, I use God and His Word as a RESOURCE as you would a dictionary or an encyclopedia.  This is not the plan God has for us! 

If you take a plant out of it's soil and would set it on the concrete or your carpet, what would happen to the plant?  What if you would just sprinkle some soil and water on it every once in a while?  Would the outcome be different because you added a little bit of what it needed on the top?  No, it's roots need to be saturated in it's source of life for it to grow and be sustained. 

Now, what happens when we don't saturate our "roots" in our source of life, Jesus.  What if we just sprinkle a touch of His Word in our lives here and there out of desperation instead of "planting" our very being in the rich soil of His Word and life constantly?  A sprinkle here and there will not sustain us.  Eventually the world will suck us dry and we will walk around with despair or at the very least, just plain emptiness.  How sold out should we be? The answer is TOTALLY surrendered in all that we say and do!  We should radiate His love without even saying a word just because we are planted so deep in His Word.  All that we say, do and the decisions we make should always be filtered through Him and His Word.

I have a LONG way to go in this area!  I think and notice just how much I have let the idea's of this world attack me and sometimes how little I look to my Source!  Before I know it, I am swept away feeling confused and full of fear!  I desire so much for Him to be my "soil" and my life sustainer.  As He takes me through this journey that started with conviction from the life of a plant, I hope to grow closer and closer to Him so that there is no separation between my thoughts and His thoughts.  I pray my roots are so planted in Him that I will know Him so well, my answers will come because I know His voice so well! 

My dear, sweet, Heavenly Father, I thank you so much that I have you as my Source of life!  Help me to not just take advantage of your love and your Word by using them as a "resource" in my life.  May I be deeply planted in wisdom and understanding that only you can give!  Keep me hidden in you and set me apart from the things of this world until I know nothing else but your voice and your ways!  May my children see that example in me and continue to serve you as their source of life as they grow.  Amen!

Foto Friday



::Surrendered::

::peaceful::

   ::understanding::

::sacred::

::satisfied::

::content::

::safe::

::convicted::

::dependenent::

::needy::

::filled::

::overflowing::

::grace::

::mercy::

::communion::

::comforted::

::beautiful::

::seeking::

::dwelling::

::freedom::

::Sheltered::

::Running to my Abba Father's arms!::

::He is holding me!::

Psalm 91:1-2; 9-11

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the ALMIGHTY.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him will I trust."

Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

Dwelling in His presence

God has been drawing me near to Him. 

It was my choice to obey. 

I could not stand the distance anymore.

And somehow, although all I have is broken pieces to offer,

He decides to draw me to His heart.

Ahhh the pieces...

you know the ones!

The kind that you did not even know were broken.

And yet the unsettledness in your  heart continues to reveal your need for Him.

I can push Him aside for only so long before I can't bear it anymore.

Why do I think that I can even for a moment, do it on my own?

Harsh words, impatient tones, complaining, uncontentment, selfishness...

 the list goes on and on and on!

Yet He continues to draw me to His heart.

Suddenly, I remember that all that I have is His.

I must pray before I speak, hold my tongue instead of stirring up strife, be thankful for what I have, do for others, and most of all, dwell with Him every moment of my day!

His Word MUST be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!

I desire so much to live my life the way He did!

But sometimes I just forget that I MUST give it all to Him in order to BECOME like Him!

How do I give it all when I don't have anything of worth to give?

He knows that, and yet, He created ME to praise Him!

He could do want he wants through a tree if He so chooses but His desires to USE ME!

Here I am Lord!

I choose to dwell with you!

Psalm 138:1-3

I will praise You with my whole heart;

Before the gods I will sing praises to You.

I will worship toward Your holy temple,

And praise Your name

For your lovingkindness and Your truth;

For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.

In the day when I cried out, You answered me,

And made me bold with strength in my soul.

Lord, today I choose You.  May all my thoughts,words and actions come under your submission!  I can do nothing without you!  I know you have plans to prosper me.  To give me a hope and a future.  Remind me that my ways, are NOT your ways and I can't do all that you have for me unless I give it all to you and dwell daily in Your presence!  Search my heart and know me!  All that I have is yours!

Amen!

Moving forward with joy

This week, we are moving forward in joy
Laughs from my children and the simple reminder that life is about making memories

The way a swing makes your tummy tickle when daddy pushes you really fast,

playing football with family,

and not worrying about what is behind you (even if it is a 2 year old),

 just relaxing in Christ and enjoying the ride! :)

Sure looks good, Daddy!

Almost 2 weeks ago, my husband lost his job and we THOUGHT our lives were O-V-E-R!  It's amazing what time and prayer does!  Today, instead of being sad and full of fear and worry, we are actually enjoying each other and our extra time together.  There are not as many hectic schedules to keep and the calender and clock are not running our lives.  We have decided to look at the lighter side of things and not get overwhelmed with daily life.  For now, every moment of the day, we have daddy with us to go places, learn things, and share things with. 
Even food! :)

 

We have always known that a father's place is with his family but never really had the courage to step out in faith and not really sure how to get there!  Kinda like the olden' days. The days when the kids worked and played ALONG side mom and dad and it was a joint-effort raising the children.  The parents molded their own children instead of leaving it up to total strangers, hours away from home in class-rooms, gaining worldy knowledge but lacking in the only true things that matter, Godly character and the sense of family the way God intended.  The days when the family came together many times a day just because they could!

As we discover this new found "freedom", we are beginning to change our thinking of what a "job" for my husband may look like. Working 8-5 everyday? Is that our answer or do we just think that because it is all we have ever known? Should we begin to seek other ways of working to have income? Non-tradional ways of what the world says? 

  Do we know how much we have allowed the world to saturate us with worldly thinking and not even know it?  Or have we allowed God to take over our thoughts and leave the world behind us making sure that we are not falling into the enemies trap?

Not sure yet what God has for us or where He is leading us, but we do know He is changing us and the change is good!  No matter what His decision is for us, our hope must be in Him, not our circumstances! Not even in our bank account our a dependable paycheck every week! We are starting to finally figure out, that all the things we once considered as the "norm" are maybe not supposed to be our normal anymore.

So until we get it figured out and the pieces of the puzzle begin to fit ( and even if the pieces don't seem to fit), we will just let God be God and appreciate our day and not worry about tomorrow! 

(Oh, I guess that is what the bible tells me to do anyway, maybe it's time I realize it IS truth!  And maybe, just maybe, I can keep so close to Jesus, it will stay that way!  :)

Manic Monday

definition of manic:
~affected with or marked by frenzy or mania uncontrolled by reason: synonyms; unbalanced,frenzied

"Just another manic Monday. Wish it were Sunday, that's my fun-day.  My,  I don't have to run-day, it's just another manic Monday!"

I think that was sung by Belinda Carlisle when I was young.  I never really fully understood the words until I became a mom! 

I always have these great plans for the weekend and then the weekend comes and...the last thing I feel like doing is the "great" plans I had planned!  I'm not sure if it's because my husband is home for 2 whole days so my frame of mind changes or I just get lazy, but for whatever reason, my Monday mornings always are WAY to manic!  This weekend was no exception plus add in the factor that I have been sick for 3 weeks!  I finally went to the ER last night and found out I have bronchitis.  So, my Monday has been even more manic than normal!  Good news is, my cough is already a touch better so I am on the mend, however, I have so many things I need to do and just don't have the energy.  Which leads me to the joys and ONE of the reasons we homeschool!  FLEXIBILITY!  Our school for today?  To accomplish all the things we did not complete over the weekend!  Otherwise my entire week would continue to be manic! Now, after the work is done, they can play outside and then afternoon naps for the little ones (maybe mom too) and games for the big kids. 

I am a person that does not like spur of the moment change!  I have my plans and that is how I fly!  But God is showing me that MY plans are not always best and if I check with Him first, I may not always feel like Mondays are so manic!  I am learning to go with the flow and beginning to realize that if my house does not get clean when I want it clean or somebody calls for the family to come over and play (which did happen this weekend) I can just toss my hands up in the air and remember everything will be there when we get home!  It's not everyday, a family of 13 gets invited to someones house!  Those are things that matter!  A messy house will get messy again but friendships need to be cherished and built moment by moment!

My manic thoughts are still there of all the things I need to do, but what I do with those thoughts is up to me!  I can let them control me or I can give them to God.  So instead of feeling frenzied and unbalanced, I can feel peace and give all that I have to Him!

Going to work on this and hoping that this will be the last MANIC MONDAY I have for a while!  On to a melancholy Monday afternoon and a TERRIFIC Tuesday! :)

God's voice

Since I came to know God years ago, I have had a personal relationship with Him where I hear Him speak to me and try to obey.  When I was young I knew I loved Him and I always felt He was there but I can't ever remember Him speaking to me with that still small voice.  But I actually think it was me not listening!  I don't like the "once saved always saved idea".  It does not make sense to me but I do know that once you come to know Christ in an intimate way, His voice becomes so evident IF you listen and get to know Him.  Because of that I know that I am saved and where I will be spending eternity. 

Now, is that based on all of my works that I do here on earth?  If I am "busy" enough serving Him and praying and reading my bible enough, and all kinds of other lists, I will go to heaven?  No!  The only way I am saved is by His blood.  Yes, it is my decision to surrender and obey, but NOTHING I do will save me!

1 Peter 1:18-19~ Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot.

 Yes, there are definitely things I will WANT to do because I desire to please Him but my salvation is not based on those things.  I have had times in my life where God has spoken to me to go and tell someone that Christ loves them and that they are not alone.  He has spoken to me and told me to give all that I have to a lady I did not know including my FAVORITE bible!  We did not have much and I only had $40 in my bank account but at that time, that was A LOT because it was all we had!  I had a hard time with that one and God gently spoke to me that I should put my trust in Him and He would reward me 100 fold.  Well, I did obey, (not so I would be rewarded, God just knew that I needed that reassurance).  So after talking to my husband about it, we took the money out of our account and gave my favorite bible to this lady and months later after forgetting about being rewarded, my husband got a job with EXACTLY 100 times more that what I gave to her.  $4000 more then our previous income!!  God does want what is best for us and I am convinced that if we would ask Him more, our lives would turn out way better then they are without asking Him! 

The enemy, Satan is so occupied with trying to keep us from hearing God that we get so "busy" we don't even take time to listen!  That is his goal!  If we are busy, we can't hear.  If we can't hear, we can't obey.  If we are not obeying, our lives will be a mess and our spirit will be empty searching for peace with things that cannot satisfy!  So, why do we settle for the world, when we can have peace and joy and have it abundantly?  We are just trying to do it on our own. 

I have lost things before and will say a simple prayer and ask God to help me find it.  Within minutes, I usually have it in my hand.  I have been 9 months pregnant and ask God on the way to the store to please help me find a close parking space.  A car will be backing up at the time I drive in the lot!  I am not saying we treat God as a good luck charm or a musician to get what we want.  What I am saying is that He DOES care about the little things and the big things in our life because He cares about us!  It says in the bible, "we have not because we ask not."  It also says to, "pray without ceasing".  So that tells me that God desires us to bring all that we have and all that we are to Him!  I always tell my children that we are all one choice away from going the wrong direction and our eternity could be in jeopardy!  However, if we are listening to that voice, and He does promise His sheep will KNOW His voice, then we will be living our life for Him and although we will make mistakes, He is merciful and knows our hearts.  Sin is NOT our problem!  It is our lack of relationship with Him and the absence of listening to Him that causes us to suffer!   I get so tired of hearing about how sin is destroying our lives!  Although sin does destroy us, it is because of lack of Jesus in our lives that sin is a problem!  We need to hear of what relationship with Him does to us and how to listen to His voice!  Not that we will NEVER sin because we allow Jesus in our hearts, but sin will not overtake us if we are turning to Him and following His voice. 

God, please allow me to follow and listen to your voice!  Thank you for not giving me a list of rules that I have to do to be saved but saving me by your precious blood!  Help me to realize daily that it is not sin that is my problem but the absence of you in my life that causes me pain!  May I always allow you to radiate through me by loving others the way that you love and others will see you in me!!   Thank you for being a perfect shepherd and the privilege of being your sheep!  Amen!