Our Standard

A few days ago while on the treadmill (I pray lots when I am on it), God asked me a question..."Heather, where do you receive your standard for your family?"  I began to think about it for a time and was really surprised and disappointed with my answer. 

Having a large family puts a lot of pressure and a mom!  I have watched the Dugger's, we know many other families who have many children and I always come up with the same feeling..."What am I doing wrong?!  Everyone else has it all together!"  Then the comments I receive such as:

You are a super mom! 
How do you do it?
You are AMAZING!
Your kids are so well behaved!
Do you ever lose it?  It sure doesn't look like it!
You look so normal!  (Still wonder what that means!)

With all of that going on, it makes me really crazy sometimes!  Because guess what?  I am NOT  a "super" mom, I am NOT amazing most days, my kids have meltdowns, bad attitudes, fight and talk back, I DO lose it and I guess maybe I look "normal" (still not totally sure about that one) but sometimes I don't feel like I am!  With all of that being said, Christ is completing Himself in me day after day and through His grace, I am doing what He has called me to do,

 HOWEVER...

I get sucked in to trying to be someone I am not sometimes and trying to imitate other's because I THINK that is what my standard should be!  Self-imposed misery, guilt, desperation, and inadequacy is what that brings!  Yes, we have a big family but why do I think we should all sing, play instruments, eat only organic foods, wear skirts, and make our own bread?  Now, those things are great but if that is not what God has for our family right now, that's okay too! 

My answer to the above question was, my standard was being set by what I perceive other's have done with their large families.  I was not looking to God for what HIS standard it for us. 

Our family LOVES sports and we LOVE to meet neighbors and cook meals for them, and my girls and I also love to serve in our women's ministry at our church.  So my search for what "gifts" God has given our family is finally surfacing and I am asking GOD what we can do for Him!  My husband has been unemployed for 19 months now and for many months, it was a battle.  Questions are now starting to be answered.  We feel we are going the direction we have longed for but did not know how to get there.  Dad is at home with the boys most of time, while going out and doing "work" with the boys to provide income.  The girls and I are sewing (well, I AM doing that!),  baking and selling Tupperware to sell at our town's summer flea market.  My oldest daughter plays the violin, my middle daughter is playing the guitar, the younger daughter plays the piano and the baby daughter, is just plain cute!  We are starting to sing together and not sure yet how God will use that but it does not matter right now!  We are doing it for God and that is what matters!! 

In this society, other's lives look appealing and can make us feel inferior or maybe even make us strive for something that is not Godly for us!  (Even though it may be Godly for someone else!)   You can get really weary striving for something that is not meant to be!  I am learning to look to God for His standard for our family.  Writing down all of the special things that make my children who they are and encouraging those things in them so that God can do what He desires through them.

As for me?  I have to look to my husband and God and His word for what His standard is for us.  I don't have to live up to what other's think and try to please them.  I only need to have eyes for my heavenly Father and ask for HIS direction.  There is SO much peace in not striving anymore to be somebody we are not!  I am a mother of 12 children but I struggle just as much as a mom with 1 or 2 children!  I don't have it all together and I am constant prayer day in and day out to fight my fleshly battles!  God is so faithful and I am so blessed but please don't put us mother's of large families on a pedestal! (Maybe that will help you realize we are just like you!)  We are no different than anyone else trying to seek God and live for Him!  We have lots to love and lots to endure but so do other people!  God gives us much grace and teaches us as we go just as He did in bible times and as He does now in the 21st century!!

What is your standard of who you and your family are?  Do you compare with other's or do you look to the One who created you and your family?  Don't let the enemy steal the blessing God has for you by wasting your time striving for something He does not intend for you!  Look to Him and will show you! 

Me, Playing God?

With all the things going on in our lives, I always thought that I was a pretty good wife and THOUGHT I was doing okay.  I had worked on the submission thing for many years and decided that I did better than some anyway.  I began to see that maybe that was not good enough anymore.  Is it okay to just stay where you are because things are going okay?  Or are they really going okay?  I began to ask myself if there is more and how do I know that this is where God wants us.  Does He have more for us?  So...

I began to pray for unity in our marriage.  OH BOY!  I was in for a surprise!  I did not really pray for unity because I thought we had a problem with it in our marriage.  I was just moving towards surrender and decided that praying for unity was a good thing.  My ignorance caught up with me.

 I have always been deeply in love with my husband.  We have always been the kind who could spend days 24/7 and not get tired of each other.  We have been married 18 years and I still have that "skip a beat" kind of feeling in my heart when he calls or walks in the door.  There is NOBODY I would rather be with than him!  With that being said, God has taken my husband and I on a journey the past few months and even more deeply, the past few weeks.

Whether you have the greatest marriage you could possibly imagine or you are struggling with even WANTING to be married anymore, PLEASE pray for unity in your marriage and take cover!  (No, really I'm kidding about that part, but do be prepared for some refining to happen!)  Please know that God can make a GREAT marriage even better and also restore a broken marriage.  It is His desire!  Please don't settle for "okay" anymore!

Submission is a battle for me.  It used to be a REAL issue now I just have to take it to God when a problem arises and He is there to give me the ability to submit.  Do I battle with my will sometimes?  OH YES!  Have I always learned to keep my mouth shut?  NO WAY!  But God is a patient God and I know that He who has begun a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it!  It also helps that I have a husband who is gracious and understands my shortcomings and just sits back and waits for God to speak to me instead of telling me how wrong I am!  (Me?  Not so much!)  Anyway, if you struggle with submission, understand that it does not make you weak!  It actually makes you stronger!  It is not something to dread, there is a freedom when you submit.  The definition from Webster's is: the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant & an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

The part that caught my attention was, humble.  Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death so why in the world can I not even keep my tongue under control!  Sometimes I have a little minor problem with voicing my opinion.  I used to think it was good for my husband to hear of all the things that HE needed to change.  I thought maybe he would catch on and then if I made him aware of his ways, he would fall to his knees and repent to me and God.  HA!

 A few weeks ago, I sat on the couch and in a "loving" way, told my husband all things that I had started to notice that were getting out of control with him.  (Aren't I kind!)  He sat and listened to all the things that I noticed.  I told him how it would help me and the kids if he would just do this and that.  I REALLY thought at the time that it would help him.  I went to bed that night, prayed and asked God to allow him to receive all things that I had said to him and change him from hearing it!  (It hurts to even write that!)  The next day, I was praying and God revealed something to me.  I was trying to be God in my husbands life!  I had never even been aware of that!  ( No, really I had not thought of it that way!  I am amazed too!)  So back to the unity thing...God was refining me and showing me how I was causing us NOT to be in unity.  Oh there were many more that God had revealed to me in the previous weeks, but this one was hard for me to swallow!  I was trying to be GOD in his life!  How dare I!  How could I tell him what he needed to do to walk closer with God!  Why did I think that I needed to tell him all of that?  I was actually thinking it was because we needed accountability, and we do!  But if I am TELLING him of all his weaknesses, it will only make him more resentful.  I MUST allow God to do that! 

I then went and repented and confessed it to my husband.  He was so forgiving and everything I was desiring began to happen!  God WAS working in him but it was NOT because of me!  It was through God himself!  Our unity began to be SO obvious!  Just as silver has to refined to be beautiful, so do we!  The refining is SO very hard!  And painful!  But it is SOOOOOOmoldable and willing hearts.

Also remember, when we are submitting to our husbands, we are actually submitting to God!  If we can't submit to them, we will have a hard time submitting to God!  Ask your self, "Is it important for me to get MY way, or do I only desire God's way?"  1 Peter 5:5 ...God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

When your husband begins to see you desiring to please him and notices that you are asking, not telling him what to do, he will notice!  If this is not an area you struggle in, like I do, ask God what area He would like you to work on.  When He reveals it to you, ask Him to help you and go to your husband and tell him what God has revealed to you and ask him for his forgiveness.  (That's the "humbleness" part)  I am telling you, your marriage will grow and God's glory will be revealed.  

There is no greater thing, than to walk in unity with your husband and know that God is pleased!

God's faith IN us

One of the most important things in my life is that I am faithful with all that God has given me.  Also that I know God can do anything He chooses.  Any limits that I see are from me!  Many times, I know God CAN do anything He desires, but do I believe He will?   I have watched many times in my life, God do things that amaze me and yet I know that I should not be surprised.  It is His character.  He loves to give His children good gifts.  I never want to seek His hand, just fall in love with His heart.  That is  how I have found the difference between true faith and moments of faith.  HIS faith is IN us ALL the time!  Faith in us lasts only for a short time.  Yes, I have faith in what His word says but only because I see HIS faithfulness.  So I can LIVE in faith because of Him or I can just have it every once in a while but it only lasts as long as the moment because it is just MY faith.  Faith has to be IN and THROUGH God! 

As I am watching God work in our desperate situation these past few months, I have realized that without Him, I have no faith!  I can choose to look to Him or choose to believe what my circumstances say but ultimately that faith comes from reading His word and seeing Him work.  It's nothing in me.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)  God is the only one that can increase my faith through hope and things not seen.  I don't have an answer right now on how our problems are going to work out.  Everyone around me, would say that it is hopeless.  I even say it is hopeless!  HOWEVER, I have a God who says that," He cares for the birds of the air and they neither sow nor reap, how much more does He care for me..."  Also, His word says He has plans to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future.  MY faith would be that I could get out of these things by way of MY doing and even then, It would not help or if it did, it would be for a very short time!  Faith in HIM says that I know I can not get out of this but I know that my God knows and is working for us!  If He is for us, who can be against us?  So no matter what the situation is that I am in, there is NOTHING that can happen that does not sift through His hand first.  It does not mean that things won't get tough but if my faith is from Him, then I will know that all things work together for good for those who love Him.  That is what His word says.  I can come up with all kinds of solutions but I know that His way is best and better than my ideas!  Our will would be the same as God's if we had all the facts!  In other words, if we knew everything, and we don't, we would understand why we have to wait sometimes or why things don't work out in the way we choose!  I have come to find out, that usually I have been wrong and thankful that things did not go my way! 

Last night, I had been asked to take care of someones pet and watch their home while they were away.  I did not want to tell her that we are losing our house and the time they wanted me to dog sit would be the week we may have to move.  I began to talk and it just came out.  We continued to talk and it was such a blessing to me!  I got off of the phone and thanked God for using my trial to bless others.  It is all worth it if other's can see God's character through my circumstances.  How humbling!  After something like that happens, I usually begin to be attacked.  This morning I began to battle my thoughts.  Not fear, just questioning.  I stopped immediately and told God that I will continue to believe Him and that I will continue to trust Him.  Later today, God blessed us AGAIN with another substantial amount of money.  I have never asked for money!  I just keep focusing on Him and having faith from Him that He can and WILL provide!  He has chosen blessing us through money at this point in our situation. 

I know I don't deserve all the blessings that God is giving!  I feel so unworthy!  I see my past mistakes and can't, for the life of me, understand why He sees fit to bless me in these ways!  I just know that His love is beyond anything that I can imagine and He can do anything He wants to because He is God not because I am me!  That is the faith I live for! 

I will continue to follow Him and believe that His plan is best no matter what everything around me says.  Please know that His faith is IN you also!  He desires for us to trust Him the way that children trust their parents.  My 2 year old does not wake up wondering if I will feed him or wash his clothes or where he will lay his head at night!  He just lives and has "faith" that I will.  He knows I always have!  That is the hope we have in our heavenly Father. 

We are His children and we can trust Him to supply ALL of our needs!  I am so thankful for His provision and His timing!  Rest knowing that He can be that in your life!  Ask for His faith in you to grow!  It will!

Dedicated

Just as Hannah did to Samuel years and years ago,
3 weeks ago we dedicated out little bundle of sweetness back to God!
(Since my older kids left for Africa, I have truly realized the sacredness of this act to God!)

This is what I wrote to her and read a loud at her dedication:

My dear sweet child, you have been given to us by God. 
You are a blessing and a true JOY! 
When God brought us down this journey of allowing Him to choose our family size, we NEVER dreamed He would send 12 blessings to us! 
I am SO thankful that we choose HIS plan for us.
 For that reason, you are in our arms! 
 I know He has a perfect plan for your life and we will do all that we can to raise you up and train you in the ways of Jesus. 
 We give you to Him because we know you are a gift to us but not ours! 
You are His! 
 For that I am truly thankful.
  He is a perfect parent.
  When we fail you, He will not! 
 Look to Him for everything. 
 He will never let you down and He will never let you go! 
We love you precious girl! 

Not many pictures of just mom, dad and her!

The entire gang!  God is sooooo very good! 

Dwelling in His presence

God has been drawing me near to Him. 

It was my choice to obey. 

I could not stand the distance anymore.

And somehow, although all I have is broken pieces to offer,

He decides to draw me to His heart.

Ahhh the pieces...

you know the ones!

The kind that you did not even know were broken.

And yet the unsettledness in your  heart continues to reveal your need for Him.

I can push Him aside for only so long before I can't bear it anymore.

Why do I think that I can even for a moment, do it on my own?

Harsh words, impatient tones, complaining, uncontentment, selfishness...

 the list goes on and on and on!

Yet He continues to draw me to His heart.

Suddenly, I remember that all that I have is His.

I must pray before I speak, hold my tongue instead of stirring up strife, be thankful for what I have, do for others, and most of all, dwell with Him every moment of my day!

His Word MUST be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!

I desire so much to live my life the way He did!

But sometimes I just forget that I MUST give it all to Him in order to BECOME like Him!

How do I give it all when I don't have anything of worth to give?

He knows that, and yet, He created ME to praise Him!

He could do want he wants through a tree if He so chooses but His desires to USE ME!

Here I am Lord!

I choose to dwell with you!

Psalm 138:1-3

I will praise You with my whole heart;

Before the gods I will sing praises to You.

I will worship toward Your holy temple,

And praise Your name

For your lovingkindness and Your truth;

For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.

In the day when I cried out, You answered me,

And made me bold with strength in my soul.

Lord, today I choose You.  May all my thoughts,words and actions come under your submission!  I can do nothing without you!  I know you have plans to prosper me.  To give me a hope and a future.  Remind me that my ways, are NOT your ways and I can't do all that you have for me unless I give it all to you and dwell daily in Your presence!  Search my heart and know me!  All that I have is yours!

Amen!

Sure looks good, Daddy!

Almost 2 weeks ago, my husband lost his job and we THOUGHT our lives were O-V-E-R!  It's amazing what time and prayer does!  Today, instead of being sad and full of fear and worry, we are actually enjoying each other and our extra time together.  There are not as many hectic schedules to keep and the calender and clock are not running our lives.  We have decided to look at the lighter side of things and not get overwhelmed with daily life.  For now, every moment of the day, we have daddy with us to go places, learn things, and share things with. 
Even food! :)

 

We have always known that a father's place is with his family but never really had the courage to step out in faith and not really sure how to get there!  Kinda like the olden' days. The days when the kids worked and played ALONG side mom and dad and it was a joint-effort raising the children.  The parents molded their own children instead of leaving it up to total strangers, hours away from home in class-rooms, gaining worldy knowledge but lacking in the only true things that matter, Godly character and the sense of family the way God intended.  The days when the family came together many times a day just because they could!

As we discover this new found "freedom", we are beginning to change our thinking of what a "job" for my husband may look like. Working 8-5 everyday? Is that our answer or do we just think that because it is all we have ever known? Should we begin to seek other ways of working to have income? Non-tradional ways of what the world says? 

  Do we know how much we have allowed the world to saturate us with worldly thinking and not even know it?  Or have we allowed God to take over our thoughts and leave the world behind us making sure that we are not falling into the enemies trap?

Not sure yet what God has for us or where He is leading us, but we do know He is changing us and the change is good!  No matter what His decision is for us, our hope must be in Him, not our circumstances! Not even in our bank account our a dependable paycheck every week! We are starting to finally figure out, that all the things we once considered as the "norm" are maybe not supposed to be our normal anymore.

So until we get it figured out and the pieces of the puzzle begin to fit ( and even if the pieces don't seem to fit), we will just let God be God and appreciate our day and not worry about tomorrow! 

(Oh, I guess that is what the bible tells me to do anyway, maybe it's time I realize it IS truth!  And maybe, just maybe, I can keep so close to Jesus, it will stay that way!  :)

God's voice

Since I came to know God years ago, I have had a personal relationship with Him where I hear Him speak to me and try to obey.  When I was young I knew I loved Him and I always felt He was there but I can't ever remember Him speaking to me with that still small voice.  But I actually think it was me not listening!  I don't like the "once saved always saved idea".  It does not make sense to me but I do know that once you come to know Christ in an intimate way, His voice becomes so evident IF you listen and get to know Him.  Because of that I know that I am saved and where I will be spending eternity. 

Now, is that based on all of my works that I do here on earth?  If I am "busy" enough serving Him and praying and reading my bible enough, and all kinds of other lists, I will go to heaven?  No!  The only way I am saved is by His blood.  Yes, it is my decision to surrender and obey, but NOTHING I do will save me!

1 Peter 1:18-19~ Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot.

 Yes, there are definitely things I will WANT to do because I desire to please Him but my salvation is not based on those things.  I have had times in my life where God has spoken to me to go and tell someone that Christ loves them and that they are not alone.  He has spoken to me and told me to give all that I have to a lady I did not know including my FAVORITE bible!  We did not have much and I only had $40 in my bank account but at that time, that was A LOT because it was all we had!  I had a hard time with that one and God gently spoke to me that I should put my trust in Him and He would reward me 100 fold.  Well, I did obey, (not so I would be rewarded, God just knew that I needed that reassurance).  So after talking to my husband about it, we took the money out of our account and gave my favorite bible to this lady and months later after forgetting about being rewarded, my husband got a job with EXACTLY 100 times more that what I gave to her.  $4000 more then our previous income!!  God does want what is best for us and I am convinced that if we would ask Him more, our lives would turn out way better then they are without asking Him! 

The enemy, Satan is so occupied with trying to keep us from hearing God that we get so "busy" we don't even take time to listen!  That is his goal!  If we are busy, we can't hear.  If we can't hear, we can't obey.  If we are not obeying, our lives will be a mess and our spirit will be empty searching for peace with things that cannot satisfy!  So, why do we settle for the world, when we can have peace and joy and have it abundantly?  We are just trying to do it on our own. 

I have lost things before and will say a simple prayer and ask God to help me find it.  Within minutes, I usually have it in my hand.  I have been 9 months pregnant and ask God on the way to the store to please help me find a close parking space.  A car will be backing up at the time I drive in the lot!  I am not saying we treat God as a good luck charm or a musician to get what we want.  What I am saying is that He DOES care about the little things and the big things in our life because He cares about us!  It says in the bible, "we have not because we ask not."  It also says to, "pray without ceasing".  So that tells me that God desires us to bring all that we have and all that we are to Him!  I always tell my children that we are all one choice away from going the wrong direction and our eternity could be in jeopardy!  However, if we are listening to that voice, and He does promise His sheep will KNOW His voice, then we will be living our life for Him and although we will make mistakes, He is merciful and knows our hearts.  Sin is NOT our problem!  It is our lack of relationship with Him and the absence of listening to Him that causes us to suffer!   I get so tired of hearing about how sin is destroying our lives!  Although sin does destroy us, it is because of lack of Jesus in our lives that sin is a problem!  We need to hear of what relationship with Him does to us and how to listen to His voice!  Not that we will NEVER sin because we allow Jesus in our hearts, but sin will not overtake us if we are turning to Him and following His voice. 

God, please allow me to follow and listen to your voice!  Thank you for not giving me a list of rules that I have to do to be saved but saving me by your precious blood!  Help me to realize daily that it is not sin that is my problem but the absence of you in my life that causes me pain!  May I always allow you to radiate through me by loving others the way that you love and others will see you in me!!   Thank you for being a perfect shepherd and the privilege of being your sheep!  Amen!

Too much for a woman's body?

Although nobody has dared to say it to may face after my recent miscarriage, I know it has been thought by many  or even talked about between others,   "Doesn't she know that her body has been through enough and this is a sign!  Why does she keep doing this to herself, it is catching up with her?!!  You can't have that many children and not have SOMETHING happen!" 

I am used to it by now and does it still bother me?  I can honestly say, no!  About 13 years ago, my husband and I were convicted to not use birth control.  Understand that it took time to get to the point where we totally surrendered that conviction!  (Proverbs 21:3~ to obey is better than sacrifice)  At the time, we knew to obey and if we did not, to us it would be a sin, so we did obey but it was not easy at  first!  The converstions between my husband and I would have questions like these:  "We could have 20 children!" or, "How can we afford more than we have?" or, "What will other people say?"  Now, those questions NEVER enter my mind!  I only have answers!  Could I have 20 children?  Yep!  And I would welcome that!  They are truly a blessing!  Although money is not flowing out of our bank account, and yes, we have times where we wonder how we are going to make it to payday!  But, God has ALWAYS provided!  We can't afford a huge beautiful home and 3 brand new cars and take a vacation every year, but we CAN afford more children!  How?  Depending on God and not our bank account!  Unless you have been there, I cannot describe how incredible it is watching God provide with an unexpected gift of money, clothing, bikes, furniture, and cars instead of us buying it for ourselves!  We don't depend on others and NEVER ask for handouts, they truly just come from God to us!  (WE do understand that He works THROUGH people and we are so grateful for those who has listened and obeyed Him!)  He has given us things that I could not have done working away from home and my husband being away from his family with some high paying job!  And as far as what other people say?  Well, I guess I have learned that you cannot please everyone all the time and no matter what you do, somebody will always criticize it!  AND if everyone is pleased with how you live and you fit in with everyone else, BEWARE!  You cannot please man AND God! 

Romans 8:8~ So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

 In fact, we have found that when we are not recieving any negative feedback from those who are "in the world", we are usually walking a thin line between worldliness and Godliness and have had to check our spirits!  The bible says we are to be a "peculiar people" and these days, you don't get much more peculiar than allowing God to pick your family size!  (There are other things that God asks from people that can be just as peculiar, this just happens to be one of the faith walks God has choosen for us!)

As far as it being too hard on my body?  One thing I can say is, birth control has many more side affects that pregnancy EVER will! Here is a link to read,  I Think I'll Skip the Party .  Another thing, pregnancy  and childbirth actually lowers your rate for women's cancers: read here, and  here!  I can also let you know, it keeps you feeling young!  (So at the rate I am going, I should live to be about 200!)  God has given women's bodies the ability to carry many children if He chooses, and it is Him alone that supplies our needs physically and emotionally!  This last miscarriage was very hard emotionally, but not any tougher than anybody else going through one!  The doctor said, that my health is great and there is no greater risk for another pregnancy than there was before!  And yes, I am anxiously waiting for the day when God decides to bless us again, if He chooses!  (That also means being content if He chooses NOT to give us another child!)  That is actually scarier for me than having many more!  I love the blessing a child brings and I desire His plan for us!

 *Just a side note, when I hear the comment, "How do you do it with all those kids, I can't handle the 2 that I have!"  I could not do it without God!  (And sometimes I have had the thought, I could not do it with the two that you have either!  :)  )  The point I am making, is my husband and I are not doing this alone!  We are dependant on God for everything!  That is where he wants us to be anyway!  I have no choice but to get on my knees many times daily!  Praying for 11 children and their daddy, takes lots of burning the midnight oil!

I know when and if I announce another pregnacy, (and I hope that I have the chance to do that), there will be people who will have their negative opinions.  I am okay with that!  When you know that what you live is for the Lord, it does not matter what others think!  I want to go to bed every night, knowing that I am doing the best that I can living for God!  he never said it would be easy, but He does say He will be there to give me what I need!  He will never let me down and He will never let me go! 

I am not a person that likes to cause others to protest what I believe!  I live my life for Christ and that is who I follow!  If other's don't like my choices, it does not really matter, I am much more fearful of God than man!  "As for me and my house, WE will serve the Lord! "  Please don't waste your time with negative feedback!  I have already heard it all!  :)  If you need encouragement for something you are doing for Christ, that goes against what others think is "good" for you, I can relate!  Feel free to contact me!  I would love to encourage you!  Remember, it will all be worth it someday! 

Dying to self...

Dying to self is:

• hard
• a contstant struggle
• a battle
• uncommon to the world
• pleasing to God
• asked of us by God
• led by example from Jesus to the point of His death
• possible
• a command
• profitable to us spiritually
• usable because God can replace the "Him" mentality with the "me" mentality :)
• neccesary
• essential when following Christ

The more of Him we have in us, the better equipt we are to see things the way Christ does.  If we are in the way, He cannot do the things HE desires to do effectively in our life.  If attempting to do things in our own strength, we are just setting ourselves up for failure.  Only in Him and through Him, are we able to give up self and have the ability to replace all that we are not with all that He is! 

Today Jesus, I pray that every inch that I have will be willingly submitted to You and your plan for my life.  The more I seek You, may I find You that much more.  The more I find You, the more I love You!!  Help me to give everything up for You no matter what I "feel"!  Thank you for the true Joy only you can give!

I am the clay...

 I have been praying and asking God to replace all of ME with all of HIM so there is nothing left of me!  I am just to that point where I am so tired of SELF.  God has been showing me how much of ME there is in my life and so I realized I have not because I ask not!  I have been asking and He has been so faithful!  How uncomfortable it is to get pruned!  The analogy I have really been meditating on is:

Isaiah 64:8~ But now, O Lord, You are our Father;  We are the clay, and You our potter;  And all we are the work of Your hand.

A lump of clay is nothing without the potter but a form of yuck!  And if the clay sits to long it gets hard and unmoldable, the potter must add water continually to get it soft enough to make something beautiful.  Do I allow myself to stay soft and pliable so my potter can use His hands to mold Me?  Or do I "sit" to long on MY shelf so that I become to hard and unworkable for my potter's hands?  Well, to make a long story short, I have had to have some water dumped on my head!

What do I need to do for my potter to mold me?  NOTHING!  Just as a lump of clay does nothing but sit and be molded into something beautiful by the potter's hands, I don't  have to do anything but be pliable and allow Him to design and mold me in His image!  When I try to give my ideas and work out things in my timing, I have interfered with the potter's plan and the clay pot cannot be what He has planned, something beautiful and usable! 

How I long to be a walking, breathing, living testimony for Him as I give ALL that I am for All that He is! 

Wondering...

Today I am wondering~

:: if my children SEE how much I love them
:: how to SHOW them my love in a way that will be obvious to each one
:: why it is so hard to die to self
:: if it ever gets easier to die to self
:: how my mom was so selfLESS
:: why winter is my favorite time of the year
:: if maybe as I get older, I'm thinking Spring is far better! 
:: what we will do for special "trips" this summer
:: why I love to fold laundry but despise putting it away! (expaining why I have 3 laundry baskets full of folded clothes sitting in my hallway)
:: what I am going to have for dinner
:: how I will ever survive when my oldest leaves home!
:: if the next 18 years will go as fast as the past 18
:: if someday, I will become a grandma the same time I am becoming a mom
:: why that seems so scary!
:: why it does not seem as impossible as it once did!
:: the older I get, the younger I feel  (That may have to do with having 8 boys!) :)

Today, I am wondering but...I also know who is beside me in all that I do!  From deciding what to have for dinner tonight, to the thought of my oldest leaving home!
 
::His name is Jesus! 

Daily I have thoughts that go through my head.  Some important and serious things, and some that just really do not matter except for a moment.

Today, I am asking that God take all of my thoughts captive under HIS obedience that I may serve Him with all that I am and ALL that I am "wondering", so that I may live my life pleasing to Him and that others will maybe get a glimpse of Him in me!  It is HIS faithfulness that always see's me through! 

Today, God help me to become more like you and live for you so much, that others know it is YOU that is in me without ever saying a word!

HAPPY New Year- but submit HAPPILY?

I'm not much for making New Year's resolutions.  Maybe it's because I'm scared of failure :) but for the most part, I just know that I need to seek God daily and see what He has for me daily and not focus on the long term.  Although as a whole, the long term is what I want to look back on and see that I have changed ~ for the better!  However, it usually takes me changing MY ways on a DAILY basis!  As I have looked back on the previous year I began to wonder where I am spiritually compared to where I was a year ago. 

• Am I closer to God?
• Do I look to Him more?
• Have I surrendered to Him?
• Do I seek MY way less?
• Do I spend more time with Him than I did a year ago?
• Have I reacted in my flesh less?
• Do my children see any change in me because I am seeking Him more?

As I thought about these questions, some I can answer more easily than others.  I am finding out this year, He decided I needed some work and started me out with a difficult one!  (I actually did not see that I really had much of a problem!)  But pride always cometh before every fall!  :)   he began to show me I was not happily and willingly submitting!   To my God, and my husband.  The realization of how I just might not be where I need to be in that area, broke me!   I began to sadly see how my short, quick temembered responses to my husband  hurt him,  how I would submit, but do it with a grudging heart.  The times I would say, "No, I want you to decide honey!"  But then quickly say without being asked, "MY personal opinion is..."  How often I would TELL him to make a decisoin, but how often I would really want control of his answer!  In other words to do what I wanted.  What that really was saying is I do not trust him and in return, I do not trust God!  I began to realize it is really not about what I want or what I like or what is easy!  It is about letting my husband be the leader of our home. And because he is a Godly man, I need to trust his decisions and allow him to make them without me manupulating him into doing things my way!  You see, I like to be in control!  I have certain ways that I like to do things and he just does not...well...do things the way I would do them most some of the time!  But that does not make me right!  In fact, more often than not, I have found that HIS way has turned out to be the better way!  Surprise, surprise!  (My guess is, God knew what He was doing when He made my husband the leader of our home and for me to be under his submission!)  Hmmm..... imagine that!  I am so blessed to have a man who does ask my opinion and takes to heart my take on things, BUT to allow HIM to have the final say and for him to truly know and believe that, is just plain hard sometimes!  But the blessing that has followed has been incredible!  My children used to be so confused!  How can they learn to trust their daddy if their mom does not!  How can my girls learn to trust their husbands someday and bring blessing to them, IF they don't see their own mom submitting to her husband?  How can they learn to trust and submit to their parents if they have not seen ME submit to God and know that HE can be trusted?  Submission has eternal ramifications if you choose to do it or not!  It is not always easy, but is ALWAYS best!   It will bring blessing to your entire family for the day AND the years to come!

James 4:7&8 ~ Therefore submit to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you!  Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you

As the new year begins, I have been shown gently by my God, that I need to give in to MY ways and go HIS way!  A pretty hard but wonderful way to start off the year!  Can't wait to see what the coming year holds!