This is how we roll...

...Or at least not stick to everything!

 After 8 boys, I have learned that eating popsicles in the bathtub,

Is by FAR the easiest way to clean up!

And OH sooooo fun for them!

Our Standard

A few days ago while on the treadmill (I pray lots when I am on it), God asked me a question..."Heather, where do you receive your standard for your family?"  I began to think about it for a time and was really surprised and disappointed with my answer. 

Having a large family puts a lot of pressure and a mom!  I have watched the Dugger's, we know many other families who have many children and I always come up with the same feeling..."What am I doing wrong?!  Everyone else has it all together!"  Then the comments I receive such as:

You are a super mom! 
How do you do it?
You are AMAZING!
Your kids are so well behaved!
Do you ever lose it?  It sure doesn't look like it!
You look so normal!  (Still wonder what that means!)

With all of that going on, it makes me really crazy sometimes!  Because guess what?  I am NOT  a "super" mom, I am NOT amazing most days, my kids have meltdowns, bad attitudes, fight and talk back, I DO lose it and I guess maybe I look "normal" (still not totally sure about that one) but sometimes I don't feel like I am!  With all of that being said, Christ is completing Himself in me day after day and through His grace, I am doing what He has called me to do,

 HOWEVER...

I get sucked in to trying to be someone I am not sometimes and trying to imitate other's because I THINK that is what my standard should be!  Self-imposed misery, guilt, desperation, and inadequacy is what that brings!  Yes, we have a big family but why do I think we should all sing, play instruments, eat only organic foods, wear skirts, and make our own bread?  Now, those things are great but if that is not what God has for our family right now, that's okay too! 

My answer to the above question was, my standard was being set by what I perceive other's have done with their large families.  I was not looking to God for what HIS standard it for us. 

Our family LOVES sports and we LOVE to meet neighbors and cook meals for them, and my girls and I also love to serve in our women's ministry at our church.  So my search for what "gifts" God has given our family is finally surfacing and I am asking GOD what we can do for Him!  My husband has been unemployed for 19 months now and for many months, it was a battle.  Questions are now starting to be answered.  We feel we are going the direction we have longed for but did not know how to get there.  Dad is at home with the boys most of time, while going out and doing "work" with the boys to provide income.  The girls and I are sewing (well, I AM doing that!),  baking and selling Tupperware to sell at our town's summer flea market.  My oldest daughter plays the violin, my middle daughter is playing the guitar, the younger daughter plays the piano and the baby daughter, is just plain cute!  We are starting to sing together and not sure yet how God will use that but it does not matter right now!  We are doing it for God and that is what matters!! 

In this society, other's lives look appealing and can make us feel inferior or maybe even make us strive for something that is not Godly for us!  (Even though it may be Godly for someone else!)   You can get really weary striving for something that is not meant to be!  I am learning to look to God for His standard for our family.  Writing down all of the special things that make my children who they are and encouraging those things in them so that God can do what He desires through them.

As for me?  I have to look to my husband and God and His word for what His standard is for us.  I don't have to live up to what other's think and try to please them.  I only need to have eyes for my heavenly Father and ask for HIS direction.  There is SO much peace in not striving anymore to be somebody we are not!  I am a mother of 12 children but I struggle just as much as a mom with 1 or 2 children!  I don't have it all together and I am constant prayer day in and day out to fight my fleshly battles!  God is so faithful and I am so blessed but please don't put us mother's of large families on a pedestal! (Maybe that will help you realize we are just like you!)  We are no different than anyone else trying to seek God and live for Him!  We have lots to love and lots to endure but so do other people!  God gives us much grace and teaches us as we go just as He did in bible times and as He does now in the 21st century!!

What is your standard of who you and your family are?  Do you compare with other's or do you look to the One who created you and your family?  Don't let the enemy steal the blessing God has for you by wasting your time striving for something He does not intend for you!  Look to Him and will show you! 

Birthday Blessings for the Blessed Man

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper

Psalm 1:1-3

I am so privileged to have a man that this verse
describes!  He is in love with God,me and our children and
gives all that he has to us day in and day out without
ever giving it a second thought!

The tree that he is like, is planted in our home and
love flows from it!  Whether he has plenty or little,
he prospers!  The love of Christ flows from him and
I am honored to be his wife!

Happy Birthday sweetheart!  You are treasured!  I love you!

Sisters

Sisters are the BEST! I lost my only sister in a

car accident when I was 16 so I never get to

experience the joy that sisters bring!

Yes, there are times when it's not so rosy but the

fun and togetherness FAR outweigh the struggles!

I have watched them grow from playmates to best friends.

They encourage each other and frustrate each other

They share each other's clothes and their hearts too

A life-long bond that will not fade with

time

but deepen

A true treasure to hear them talk about

 the things of Christ and listen to them as

 they help each other learn the ropes

 of growing up

I never had this, but I get to WATCH it right before

my eyes!

The giggles, jokes, and realizing life together side by

 side is truly pricesless!

What a gift from God sister's are!

Busy!

This week...

 we are going swimming

we have a violin recital to attend

we will be enjoying beautiful spring weather

I am going to lunch with a sweet friend

I will be spending time with my parents

the girls and I will be planning a banquet for Mother's Day for our church

we will be shopping for the banquet

 we will be cleaning

we are trying to get rid of an adorable beagle puppy (anyone interested?)

I will continue to listen to a sermon series online

I will continue the "Weigh Down Diet" (More on that to come)

our family will continue to enjoy watching our littlest one learn to walk (F I N A L L Y!)

I will be on my knees LOTS!

my prayer list has gotten really long!

I have fallen in love with my husband all over again!

I will watch God do MORE amazing things in our marriage

I will be listening more and talking less

I will walk in the ways of the Lord

it will not be by my strengh but through HIM!

Psalm 73:28
But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, That I may declare all Your works.

19 years

The life of my dreams!

REALLY!

I am living it!

Easy all the time?

No!

However, when you have someone beside you through the good and the bad,

The tough times become a little less "tough"!

Since I was a little girl playing with my dolls,

I dreamed of a daddy for them.

A man who would love me and look past all of my unlovlies

Who would guide my children in the ways of the Lord

God crossed our paths 18 years ago

And 19 years ago today,

He brought our hearts together as one.

It has been a journey I would not trade for anything!

We are a 3 stranded cord that cannot be broken.

God being that middle strand!

I love you!

I can't wait to see what another 19 years brings!

12 more children?

Doubt it!

But I am sure that God will amaze us!

Hope, Peace and somewhere in between

When all resources are finally exhausted, you begin to realize that your life IS in God's hands!

Totally, fully, and 150%!

No more striving

No more searching

No more looking

No more wondering

No more looking to YOUR idea's

They don't work anyway!

For a time,

(LOT'S longer than I care to admit)...

My idea's were first and foremost!

The scary thing was, I THOUGHT I was just "waiting on God"

And yet, I kept dreaming of MY way and how I thought things should work!

So really was I "waiting" on Him or "waiting" for Him to do things MY way?

The money I thought we needed to make it

The job I thought my husband needed

The life I thought we deserved and how "surely" God would give us nothing less than that!

We have been obedient after all!

Then...

I began to see after the final surrender He was longing for me to get to

I realized that by HIS grace, He did not let me stumble!

He kept me from the things I THOUGHT I needed

Now...

 I am finally at a place of Peace

It did not come easy!

It was...

long

painful

lonely

agonizing

emotional

convicting

Then there came Hope!

Now I realize I cannot search for anything but the One who has it ALL in His hands!

My...

husband

children

home

income

LIFE

It is ALL His and I know that I know that I know

He has plans to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future!

That is where my Hope is and how I have found the

Peace that passes ALLLLL understanding!

I am His and He is mine!

That is Amazing!

Don't try anymore to do it on your own!

It won't work!

His plan is best

Rest in that and find your hope in the cross

It is ALL you need

Update~

It's been awhile!  Not really sure why...I guess maybe just time to gather thoughts.  Maybe a little bit of just plain tired of life at times and no real desire to write about it.  A pity party of sorts I suppose.  That sounds terrible!  I really am not the kind that tires of life!  I can always find the rose in the middle of the thorns...HOWEVER this has been a VERY thorny time and that rose has been a touch harder to find at times.  The great thing is, that even though I got scraped a few times and maybe even had my heart bleed at times from the thorns, I have found MANY roses through this journey.  Not just one, but many!  Sometimes you have to experience the thorns to appreciate the roses that much more.

We have had more job rejections (3 to be exact!).  After 3 interviews, my dear husband thought he had the job!  The rejection came last week.  After 18 months of being unemployed sometimes, I don't know how much more he can take.  A man is supposed to provide, and God has given them that desire.  What is the first question asked to a man?  "What do you do for a living?"  That is how they are measured...on this earth anyway.  We are learning more and more, that our worth is NOT in our circumstances or the world's eyes, it is in Christ's eyes.  In order to see what that worth is, we have to go to the cross!  It has been an eye opener!  The cross is the ONLY place we can see our true worth!  The one who died because he loved us so very much!  When we try to find it in other ways, exercise, the food we eat, our spouse, our children, our church, those around us, etc...we will come up short!  And VERY disappointed!  Man will always let us down at some point, but God never will!  Our continued journey to find our worth through Christ's eyes continues.  No job, but that's okay...our hope is in Jesus, not a job!  He has proven Himself over and over and we will not be dismayed!  Our journey has made us stronger and brought us closer to the One who supplies our every need.  I am so thankful!

My oldest left the nest yesterday.  A hard day for me.  He is not going too far but everything from here on out changes.  No more can I say, "Yep, they all live with me under the same roof!"  No more bringing babies home while he is at home.  Will he ever know the young ones?  Not in the same way!  That breaks my heart!  That has been a difficult thing for me to swallow!  I knew the day was coming but I don't think I could ever be prepared emotionally.  He called lots yesterday and today he is lonely.  He loves his siblings and is not used to quiet.  I tried to tell him to come home but then...I realized it is best for him to stay.  It is a new normal for both of us.  One I don't like but yet this is the time I raised him for.  To go make a life for himself.  Out of my hands and into God's heart.  To find out HIS true identity!  Hoping he will continue to find it in Christ, not the world.  My heart aches but I know this is the beginning of a new chapter for all of us.  Yes, through the thorns, I WILL find a rose!

We are loving our home.  It has always felt like home.  We have no clue how long we will be here but we are so thankful everyday for a place of our own directly from God's heart!  Make sure you appreciate where you lay your head every night!  It is a blessing to have a place to call home!  You realize that, when you fear losing it all!  I now understand, it truly is family that makes a home, not just 4 walls!  We are "neighboring" and we are spreading the love of Jesus with this lost world!  It is all around us!  Don't forget that!  People are hurting and need to hear of Him!  They just need love and to feel love.  When you do it, people will reciprocate it!  Try it!  It will amaze you.  Bring a meal, say "hello", just smile!  People are wanting to feel the love of Christ and He wants to use you to do it!  In the thorns of this move, we have found that rose!  He is using us to reach out to others.  I am so honored that He choose us to do it here, where we are, in this moment!

Well, the last rose I will share, is this:

We have not had our family picture taken for years!  (You try getting 8 boys and 3 teenage girls ready!)  A wonderful person, offered to do them at no cost to us, for a Christmas gift.  We were so excited!  And it went SO well!  (Well, the 3 teenage girl things and keeping 8 boys clean, was still a challenge), but we survived! 

The outcome was great!

Remember, yes...there will be thorns, but always know that there are roses too!  Just keep searching and don't give up!