Yesterday it came to a head! I was cooking dinner after being in the kitchen ALL day and my 22 month old was standing at the gate with arms up in the air reaching out for me saying, "Belp mommeee, belp mommeee! Peeeeaaassee!" (That is not uncommon!) What was uncommon was my tendency to want to entice him into the living room where DAD could entertain him! I wanted to just get dinner made and move on to the next task at hand. Happily
"NOOOOO, me DO it!" He stated to me in a VERY clear tone! So there I stood, for what seemed like forever! 12 minutes later, (after I did sneak in a few slices myself), the potato's were in the baggie! Does not seem too long, I know! (You try standing there watching somebody do something so meticulously and slow that would take YOU seconds to achieve!) Throughout this process, sad to say, I had to do a lot of self talking! Did it really matter that we would eat 10 minutes later than I planned on? Did it really matter that I would be in the kitchen a little longer than I wanted to be? NO! What DID matter, is my sweet little boy was feeling valuable and learning an important thing. That he IS valuable! Boy, did I want to shoo him out of there and hurry up! BUT thankfully, God quietly whispered to my heart, "That is not MY way Heather!" God wanted me to give up of myself and MY wants! So the journey of God teaching ME a valuable lesson continued...
Later that night, my oldest son was leaving to his grandparents to go hunting the next day. He gave me a hug and left. I went down to the washing maching to wash the babies diapers and began weeping! I had a tinge of helplessness and reality! A realization of things to come! I was crying to God telling Him that I don't want things to change! I want to pause my life right now! All of my kids live under the same roof! They are all safe and my husband and I can monitor where they go! Waaaayyy to soon, that will change! Where did the time go when my oldest wanted to help me in the kitchen? Where did the time go when he was standing at the kitchen gate with his arms outstretched wanting to help ME! (Now I'm usually asking for HIS help!) As the years have gone on, we still have a great relationship, but those sweet moments are gone! I know that there will still be other sweet moments to share as he grows, but the years have gone by so fast! And soon, he will be leaving to start his own life! That is what we are raising him to do, but because of my mommy heart, it is sad for me to think of him leaving of our home! That being said, I walked up the stairs, gave my 22 month old a hug and went to bed...
Then the phone rings! A dear life-long friend calls. We literally do not remember life without each other! I think I was 2 when we met and she was 18 months! We are hundreds of miles apart now but have continued to share with each other and keep in touch often. She did not sound so good! I asked if she was doing okay and she said, "No, I'm really not!" She began to tell me of the struggles she had been going through with being a mom! How she just felt like lately she was going to ruin her kids forever because of all the snappy answers, worrying to much about a clean house instead of letting the kids just play, and just all those mommy things! I began to tell her of the things that had began to unfold that day with my life and what God had been speaking to me! We cried together, laughed together and sometimes just sighed! The only answer we could give each other is we cannot do it alone and God is the ONLY one who can help us! Coincidence she called me? No way! Coincidence that I had been going through the EXACT same things in my life and heart! Nope! Sometimes I love to give advice and have all the answers! And sometimes God has been gracious to impart wisdom to my heart and share wonderful things to others, but not this time!
Why? I think He wanted me to see that HE is the one with the answers. He is the one to comfort me. He is the one that is along side of me day in and day out when this job of motherhood becomes just plain hard! I am not alone!
Isaiah 43:1&2 ~ ...Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are MINE. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you...
As a mother, I have walked through many moments of fear! I have also walked through the "rivers" of being overwhelmed! But God has told me to not fear, and do not be overwhelmed! I can walk through FIRE and He will uphold me and I will not be burned! WOW! What peace that has brought me! He has given me these beautiful children, and yes, He is all I need to bring them up in the way that they should go! And when they are old, they shall not depart from it! (Proverbs 22:6)
I am so thankful for a loving God who knows my struggles and all I have to do is call to Him and He is there! Now, I must go and make cookies with my children! Maybe today, the mess won't bother me as much and I will see the joy on their faces and not the flour!
*A little sidenote ~ At lunch, the day my oldest son went hunting, he took time to call his mom, ahem...(that would be me!) just to tell me he was safe and having fun! Oh, and I got a quick, "I love you too!" on the other end! I WILL savor those times more too! Before I know it, his wife will be the one he is hopefully calling at lunch but until then, I will take what I can get! :)
