Friday, June 15, 2012

The white flag of surrender

Motherhood has not been easy lately!
(In fact, this picture was taken right in the middle of all the chaos!)

I have gone through some "issues" that have brought me to my knees A LOT!

It seems the questions have no anwers and there are SO many of them!
My reactions have been quick and my tongue has not been bitten much!
(I am realizing it would be better to feel the physical pain of that than dealing with the regret of harsh answers!)

I have had these times before but this time it has had a twist I can't explain
I feel like I should beable to hold everything together
Now realizing I just can't!

The other day,
I had it!
  I looked at my boys and said,
"You win! I wave my white flag!  I surrender!  I have nothing left!" 
They looked at me in confusion and a blank look but continued on as if nothing happened!
 HA! Surprise, surprise!

Suddenly, I heard that sweet voice from my heavenly Father,
"Why don't you surrender that white flag to ME!  You were not meant to carry it anyway!"

Oh yeah!  I forgot that! 
 I began to see I was searching the file cabinet of MY wisdom looking for the anwers! 
He was reminding me that it just does not work that way! 
HE is the way, the truth and the life! 
That is why I was at the end so to speak!
I was thinking of MY way, MY truth and it was sucking the life right out of me!

So I gave Him the flag, got on my knees and let Him do the rest!

Are there still questions?  Yep!
However, I have found rest...
A place where I can be still and know that He is God!

Someday, my 2nd greatest desire is that my children rise up and call me blessed!
(That is not from a motive of selfishness but born out of desire to know that my children must see Christ in me!)
The first desire is that they are sold out for Christ daily and will enter the pearly gates!  But I do think they coincide!

It is not possible if I am doing it on my own but God's grace and love, will carry me through these years of MANY messes, attitudes, ungratefulness, meals, running errands, and repeated training times that I wonder if anything is really getting through!

As a mother, there is so much enduring! 
But I can choose to look at it as drudgery OR look at it as an honor that I have been called to be Jesus hands and feet at this time in their lives. 
To help form their hearts in love and mold their hearts to seek and search for Christ!

How is that done? 
Not sure totally!

I do know, that giving up that white flag of surrender to Him, I am guaranteed He has the answer!

Do you need to wave your flag or are you carrying it all yourself?
Let it go!  He will amaze you!



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