It's been awhile! Not really sure why...I guess maybe just time to gather thoughts. Maybe a little bit of just plain tired of life at times and no real desire to write about it. A pity party of sorts I suppose. That sounds terrible! I really am not the kind that tires of life! I can always find the rose in the middle of the thorns...HOWEVER this has been a VERY thorny time and that rose has been a touch harder to find at times. The great thing is, that even though I got scraped a few times and maybe even had my heart bleed at times from the thorns, I have found MANY roses through this journey. Not just one, but many! Sometimes you have to experience the thorns to appreciate the roses that much more.
We have had more job rejections (3 to be exact!). After 3 interviews, my dear husband thought he had the job! The rejection came last week. After 18 months of being unemployed sometimes, I don't know how much more he can take. A man is supposed to provide, and God has given them that desire. What is the first question asked to a man? "What do you do for a living?" That is how they are measured...on this earth anyway. We are learning more and more, that our worth is NOT in our circumstances or the world's eyes, it is in Christ's eyes. In order to see what that worth is, we have to go to the cross! It has been an eye opener! The cross is the ONLY place we can see our true worth! The one who died because he loved us so very much! When we try to find it in other ways, exercise, the food we eat, our spouse, our children, our church, those around us, etc...we will come up short! And VERY disappointed! Man will always let us down at some point, but God never will! Our continued journey to find our worth through Christ's eyes continues. No job, but that's okay...our hope is in Jesus, not a job! He has proven Himself over and over and we will not be dismayed! Our journey has made us stronger and brought us closer to the One who supplies our every need. I am so thankful!
My oldest left the nest yesterday. A hard day for me. He is not going too far but everything from here on out changes. No more can I say, "Yep, they all live with me under the same roof!" No more bringing babies home while he is at home. Will he ever know the young ones? Not in the same way! That breaks my heart! That has been a difficult thing for me to swallow! I knew the day was coming but I don't think I could ever be prepared emotionally. He called lots yesterday and today he is lonely. He loves his siblings and is not used to quiet. I tried to tell him to come home but then...I realized it is best for him to stay. It is a new normal for both of us. One I don't like but yet this is the time I raised him for. To go make a life for himself. Out of my hands and into God's heart. To find out HIS true identity! Hoping he will continue to find it in Christ, not the world. My heart aches but I know this is the beginning of a new chapter for all of us. Yes, through the thorns, I WILL find a rose!
We are loving our home. It has always felt like home. We have no clue how long we will be here but we are so thankful everyday for a place of our own directly from God's heart! Make sure you appreciate where you lay your head every night! It is a blessing to have a place to call home! You realize that, when you fear losing it all! I now understand, it truly is family that makes a home, not just 4 walls! We are "neighboring" and we are spreading the love of Jesus with this lost world! It is all around us! Don't forget that! People are hurting and need to hear of Him! They just need love and to feel love. When you do it, people will reciprocate it! Try it! It will amaze you. Bring a meal, say "hello", just smile! People are wanting to feel the love of Christ and He wants to use you to do it! In the thorns of this move, we have found that rose! He is using us to reach out to others. I am so honored that He choose us to do it here, where we are, in this moment!
Well, the last rose I will share, is this:
We have not had our family picture taken for years! (You try getting 8 boys and 3 teenage girls ready!) A wonderful person, offered to do them at no cost to us, for a Christmas gift. We were so excited! And it went SO well! (Well, the 3 teenage girl things and keeping 8 boys clean, was still a challenge), but we survived!
The outcome was great!
Remember, yes...there will be thorns, but always know that there are roses too! Just keep searching and don't give up!