I said earlier today to my husband that I really wish I would learn to live each day as if my kids were leaving for Africa! I am more sensitive to being with them, spending time with them and leaving the other cares of the day for another day! I realize that soon,(WAY to soon!), they will be thousands of miles away and I will LONG to see their faces. So I have been staring at them more, hugging them more and taking TONS of pictures of them with their siblings! Do I fear them dying? Maybe... It is a thought sometimes! But it does not take going to Africa to think of that! :) However, the real reason behind it is that I realize all of our lives are about to change DRAMATICALLY! They will "grow" up in ways that I will not totally understand until they return, and me?! Well, I will be "growing" up also! The mommy way kind! It happens to every mom so I know I am not alone with some of the feelings I have been feeling but it is not easy! This is where my faith in God comes in! I cannot be there for them in the next 6 weeks! I can't just pick up the phone when I want to hear their voices or when I panic for a moment and fear the worst! Nope! I have to turn to Jesus! Nights when I am wondering if they are warm, homesick, scared or anxious? I can't do anything about it! I can't GIVE them my reassurance that it will be okay! They will be in a tent in the bush in Africa! That is hard for me to swallow! I want so much to take it all away and comfort them! That is what a mommy is supposed to do! The great thing is, that I know God will be there with them! And He is better then I ever could be anyway! I said today through my tears, "God, you must think I am LOTS stronger than I think I am! I can't do this! It is just tooooo hard!" And I'm right! I can't do this...without HIM! But He says I CAN do this if I depend on Him!
Today, we dedicated our newest little one back to God. (I will have pictures soon! ) We wanted to do it before the trip to Africa so we could experience one last memorable thing as a family for a while! I did this years ago with my oldest two. I realized at that time, that were His! And I meant it! I told God that whatever He had for them, I would, through His guiding hand, allow Him to have His way in their lives! Easy when they are a baby laying in your arms dependent on you for their every need! Not so easy, when you are watching them leave to a country thousands miles away without YOU! I still am amazed that I have had the strength to even come this far and because of Him walking with me, I will not go back on my commitment to Him! I am allowing them to leave me for a time, so God can use them on the other side of the world to show other's His love! Abraham was willing to allow God to do whatever He choose with Isaac! Even death! WOW! That is obedience! I bet Abraham took the long way around to the alter that day! I bet he stared at Isaac, hugged him and just took every moment he had appreciating and loving his son as he walked to that alter! Now, I am not saying my children will die, but 6 weeks seems like a long time to us! And God spared Isaac and it was a test to see how obedient Abraham was. So maybe this is a test! And whoever God chooses to put in my children's path in the coming weeks, will get a glimpse of who God is and they will be forever changed! Maybe the test is to see how willing we are to allow others to see who He is! Will we just live in the comfort of what we are used to or will we be willing to stretch and sacrifice? Time is getting closer and God has MANY people He desires to have in heaven with Him. Are we willing to lay it all down for His name? This life on earth is temporary. A vapor in the wind! But eternity is well...eternal!
So for the next couple of days, I will laugh more, cry more, and savor more. But the reality is, that whatever happens and wherever my children are, God is with them AND with me! So how could I worry or fear! He loves them more than I do!
Today, please give more hugs, look into your loved ones eyes, stare at them and just take it all in!
Live today like you are sending them to Africa! :)