Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I can breathe- I think

It seems as if the air has been sucked out of me
Not always a "bad" thing!
Just sometimes that realization of motherhood
~When your oldest son is getting married
and you realize that you are no longer the only "woman" in his life
~When you go with your daughter to try on bridesmaid dresses
and all of the sudden it hits you that WAY too soon, SHE will be the one looking for a wedding dress!
~When you go to your son's room and look at the mess
and you realize that you should have complained less in the previous years because now, there will be no mess from him in your home anymore and it is something you knew would happen but one time it seemed so far away and you NEVER dreamed you would miss it but you already do
~When you know that family plans may not always include ALL of your children anymore
~When you realize that once the first one leaves home, it's just the beginning of the next one, and the next one and so on...
~When you pick up your "baby" and you realize she is really not a baby anymore
~When you think of your age and remember when your parents were that age you thought they were SOOOOO old!
~When you realize that your years as a grandma are possibly closer than you ever thought possible!
I am going through a new phase in my life.  Sometimes I get confused because I have SO many little ones to still focus on and the realization what is about to take place in my life in about a month, hits me like a ton of bricks.  No time to really just sit and think about how I am going to have to let go of my oldest boy, it has just crept up on me!  I can give him advice, but what he does with it now, is up to him.  In some ways there is freedom in that and other ways, I want to tell him what to do knowing that I still have more years on him!  If I could just sit with him on the couch and stroke his hair and chat.
Then I am reminded that wherever this journey of motherhood has ever lead me, God's grace has ALWAYS seen me through. 
However, I know that God has ALWAYS kept me and He too will keep my son and in this new territory of his journey! 
Knowing that, I can rest knowing although this is uncharted territory for me, God has already gone before me! 
Then I take a deep breath and the air fills my lungs and realize,
I can breath again...
stronger and better than ever!



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