It is now the same night that I left off in Part 1...
I sit down at the computer really, no I mean REALLY ready for bed but thought I would check my e-mail. I can hardly see because I had been crying so hard all day and my head is throbbing. A sweet girl that I have come to love very much and have been praying for to be saved, wants to chat. Now, I must admit I was so very tired and wanted to go to bed but I quickly said hello and we made some small talk and I tell her I had to get to bed. We were going to talk on the phone but her cell phone was dead so we continued on our computers. The rest of the converstion went like this...(This was all written and it is the REAL conversation so grammatical errors are many):
Me: God has always been my rock and always will be but it's a good thing I don't have to do this all alone because I would be done!
Taylor: i have just been having a really hard time knowing where my great grandma is. austin and i were talking and he said lots and it really made me think about my great grandma she was a cathloc and idk where she is and i want to go where she is. ik deep down she was amazing and should b in heaven but they say cathlics dont go there a lot
Me: That is not true at all! God has the best plan for you....your eternity is what He is concerned about so live for Him and the rest will fall into place
Taylor: i just want to know where she is and i pray and pray but never feel like i get an answer to where she is. i just want to end up where ever she is i would do anything to b with her when its my time Me: Well, after I gave my heart to God, He layed it on my heart that my grandpa was in heaven Taylor: may i ask how u did that? i want god to have my heart and i feel like he doesnt have it fully and i hate the feeling of knowing god doesnt have my full heart Me: The only place you really want to be is in eternity WITH Jesus Taylor: i want to be one that goes to heaven i fear everyday i dont do enough to get there Me: Well, the only way you can really know is if you ask Him into your heart...you are saved by His grace. Nothing you can do but ask Him into your heart then you are forgiven and become His Taylor: i want to let him know i need him
Me: You can't do enough! None of us can! It is only through His blood that was shed and through our faith...Jn 3 :16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life.You have to believe He did for you on the cross and He does the rest! It is that easy!
Taylor: i pray at night but i dont always feel like its going to him idk its something i have always had trouble with and never talked with it to anyone bc i dont want to b judged Me: He always hears His children but maybe He just wants to know He has your whole heart! He will do the rest! I would NEVER judge you! Taylor: i just want to know where she is its been so hard for me everyday i get up and say where r u god? and nothing comes. thats y i told u Me: I just know you have to rest in God and He will take care of the rest! Taylor: i will. i want god to have my heart and have time to listen to my prayers. i need him with me in my life Me: He always has time! His wants that too! Taylor that is all it takes! He will come in and flood your soul! Ask Him and tell Him you have the faith to believe He died for you!
Taylor: i will
Me: Then, He comes in and you will never be the same! Some things you will have to seek Him more and wait on HIS answers but it will be worth it! If you call me, you can pray a prayer with me or you can do it on your own! It's up to you!
Taylor: i have tears in my eyes....
Me: That a good sign of the cleansing of the soul!
Taylor: i just prayed and when i said i believe you died for me i had tears and i saw something but i dont know what it was
Me: Expect Him to release you and enter your heart! Keep talking to Him and tell Him ALL your fears!
Taylor: i think hes closer than i think he is
Me: There is nothing you have to do and you can't be good enough or act perfect because it is only by His grace we are all saved! Not by works! He is always right by your side
Taylor: ok. i feel something. i feel wrapped up and now I feel something has been released. that was something i felt with my gradmas dream but i feel like this one wont leave me and i enjoy it i feel like i am being held
Me: That is how He shows us His love! He is your Heavenly Father! As much as your earthly father loves you, God loves you even more!
Taylor: this is the most amazing feeling ever
Me: Yep! Walk in that peace!
Taylor: thank u so much! i feel him around me i love it
Me: That is it Taylor! You got it! He will NEVER let you down and He will NEVER let you go!
Taylor: i dont feel alone anymore like i have my whole life! thank you so much
Me: You will never be alone EVER again! Man can do nothing to you because you are a daughter of the King!
Taylor: im in shock! i feel like i have finally gotten to him through so many prayers i finally have reached him! this is AMAZING
Me: I am so happy for you Taylor! Don't let go of it! Walk in it and know that He would have died for just you! That is how much He loves you!
Taylor: i cant even explain what im feeling besides the thought that i am loved, accepted and wanted. i still feel it and i hope. I didn't do anything but ask for help!
Me: He gives grace to the humble Taylor! That is His way! He can get through to us when we give it all to Him! Jesus made your life! Now, you never have to fear death because you will never die! You will spend eternity with Him!
Taylor: i cant thank u enough for this
Me: Please, thank HIM! I did nothing! It was Him and you! :)
Our conversation ended and I looked at my 13 year old who was in the room with me and said to her, "All of the terrible, BAD that happened today, I would do it all over again to lead someone to Christ! It has allllll been worth it! In the midst of all of my pain, God allowed me the privilege of leading somebody to the Him! Boy does that take the focus off of yourself in a hurry! I then got in the shower. I was SO over blown with awe and joy! My mourning had turned to gladness because I witnessed a new name added to the Lamb's Book of Life! God then began to show me something...it was SO intense that I could hardly take it!
He began to so clearly reveal His heart to me from the happenings of my day. The thought of losing my children to DHS, is what He goes through everyday because He is losing HIS children to the world and satan! The pain that gripped my heart, is but a tiny example of the pain that He has because He is losing HIS children! The pain that I had earlier told my daughter I would do all over again, is why HE endured the cross! It was all worth it to Him because He loves us so very much! I began to weep because it became so clear how much He cares and wants to have His children living with Him in eternity! It gave me such a deep desire to go and seek the lost and tell them about Him! There is an urgency! Time is running out! If we don't go, who will? I can't use my excuses anymore! It is a matter of obedience! I can't bear the pain because I love my Heavenly Father so very much and I want to do what I can to be a witness to those He loves! I want to stand before Him someday and hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant!"
During the night, I had a dream. Someone came to take my little 3 year old from me and all my other children were safe and sound in their beds. I got up and ran out of my door chasing them and screaming for them to give me my child back! I woke up and very relieved it was a dream...I began to pray. God asked me a question to reveal MORE of His heart. "If they took only one of your children, would you just let them take him knowing you have 11 other's who are safe in your keeping?"
"Of course I would not, God! I would fight to my death to get him back! "
God spoke again, "That is how it is with me! I cannot just sit back and let the lost ones go! I have to reach out to them and ask other's to help me reach them! There is not one who is of greater importance to me than the other! Just as your children are to you!"
WOW! I was once again in awe of His heart! How amazing to have been given the chance to for a moment, feel His heart!
People, we NEED to go and show other's His love! He is crying out to us to share with other's His heart before it is to late! My children were not taken from me and it seems that they let everything go because there was no grounds of anything for them to charge us with. (I knew they had nothing to go on but it was scary just the same!) God DID act on our behalf but there are GOD'S children who will make the choice to not spend eternity with HIM and He is not willing to let them go without a fight!! He died for them and you!
Will you commit to God and ask how you can help and what you can do to be His servant and have His heart! He is calling those who know Him, to go!
So the circumstances of our day can have a GREAT effect on us and we can even go through some really bad things and God does care! But it really made me see that God is wanting to reach His lost children so badly that He will do what He can to get our attention to teach us how to draw near to His heart so we will have His heart! The focus of His heart is His children and He wants ALL of them to choose Him!
My worst day of pain in my heart became one of the most joyous days because God allowed me to take the focus off of myself and share in the joy He finds when one lost soul turns their heart to Him! He can handle even the worst day of my life and turn it into joy and make it one of the best day's of my life! I am hoping for MANY more "best day's" as I continue to share Christ's love with those around me!