As I sit here to night, I have so many emotions going through my mind. My children have been through so much in Africa and we ALL have changed. We may not fully understand until later on. But I am sure some of the changes will be noticed immediately. We pick our kids up at the airport at the end of this week. I dropped them off teenagers, but I am sure, that we will be picking up adults! The change in their voices and the topics of their conversations, gives us the indication that in 6 weeks, they have grown up! Hard for me to grasp really. Sad in some ways. Although rather strange for me to be sad they have grown up in a "good" way! I just know that the things I have always known about my children, will somehow have shifted from being totally dependant on me, to not needing me to the capacity they used to. Yes, that is our goal as parents and I do welcome it, but a very new feeling for me.
My son will turn 18 in a few weeks and I knew that letting go more was inevitable, but this was so abrupt! Maybe that is how God knew I could handle it best. "Cold-turkey" letting go! After all, I know they were never mine, and at some point this letting go thing was bound to hit me in the face sometime and I would have to leave them totally in the hands of God. Surrender? YIKES! My life is supposed to be that anyway, right? Surrendered to the things that God desires, not what I desire. That's a tough thing to swallow, for me anyway. I like comfort, predictability, stability, and things MY way. Not easy to give all that up for something that requires me to die to self.
So how did I get here? How did I do it? How did I sit in the car, (sobbing uncontrollably I might add), leaving the airport 6 weeks ago, telling God that I can't do this! Telling Him that He thinks I am WAY stronger than I think I am! To sitting here now, with 6 weeks of peace and a strength that I did not know was even possible or could exist in my soul? My answer is... ~surrender~! Surrender to a living God who DOES supply all of my needs! Even the things that require the most of myself. For me that is my children. Did I do it? Could I have done this on my own? NO WAY! It was way to big for me! It started with a little amount of faith and then grew. Faith is things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. So that is how I did it! Surrender to faith and faith in my God! Easy? NOPE! I am sure that the things I have experienced will only "grow" me in the years to come and now I feel as if I can take on anything! I thank God for watching over me and also giving me the strength to do what He said I could do! For that, I am forever changed! What do you need to surrender to Him today? Give it up! he does not want you to carry it, and He will give you all that you need to stand strong in Him. Try it! You will never be the same!
Our journey TO Africa, is almost through. However, I am certain that our journey in other ways, is just beginning!