I can breathe- I think

Sometimes...

 

It seems as if the air has been sucked out of me

Not always a "bad" thing!

Just sometimes that realization of motherhood

 

Like...

 

~When your oldest son is getting married

and you realize that you are no longer the only "woman" in his life

 

~When you go with your daughter to try on bridesmaid dresses

and all of the sudden it hits you that WAY too soon, SHE will be the one looking for a wedding dress!

 

~When you go to your son's room and look at the mess

and you realize that you should have complained less in the previous years because now, there will be no mess from him in your home anymore and it is something you knew would happen but one time it seemed so far away and you NEVER dreamed you would miss it but you already do

 

~When you know that family plans may not always include ALL of your children anymore

 

~When you realize that once the first one leaves home, it's just the beginning of the next one, and the next one and so on...

 

~When you pick up your "baby" and you realize she is really not a baby anymore

 

~When you think of your age and remember when your parents were that age you thought they were SOOOOO old!

 

~When you realize that your years as a grandma are possibly closer than you ever thought possible!

 

 

I am going through a new phase in my life.  Sometimes I get confused because I have SO many little ones to still focus on and the realization what is about to take place in my life in about a month, hits me like a ton of bricks.  No time to really just sit and think about how I am going to have to let go of my oldest boy, it has just crept up on me!  I can give him advice, but what he does with it now, is up to him.  In some ways there is freedom in that and other ways, I want to tell him what to do knowing that I still have more years on him!  If I could just sit with him on the couch and stroke his hair and chat.

 

Then I am reminded that wherever this journey of motherhood has ever lead me, God's grace has ALWAYS seen me through. 

 

Tears?

Yes!

Many!!!

 

However, I know that God has ALWAYS kept me and He too will keep my son and in this new territory of his journey! 

 

Knowing that, I can rest knowing although this is uncharted territory for me, God has already gone before me! 

 

Then I take a deep breath and the air fills my lungs and realize,

 

I can breath again...

 

stronger and better than ever!

 

 

 



                                                                                                                                                               

Update...

It has been 2 whole months!  Time has slipped by and SO many things have happened in my life!  Life changing and monumental in some ways! 

~ I was for the first time, on the other side of delivering a baby! I am now looking into becoming a certified doula!  I will just say I was SO in my element! 
~ Thanksgiving came and went and we had a beautiful day with family
~ I had the opportunity to help a VERY needy neighbor in a great time of need (more to come about that!)
~ Started a new business with Spa Products!  They are AMAZING! :) Go to go here to see for yourself and PLEASE let me know if you are interested! The products are all botanically based and literally change your skin from the first day of use!
~ I have watched my oldest son make life-changing decisions
~ I have met the soon to be newest member of our family (no I am not pregnant yet, unfortunately!)
~ My son became engaged on December 13th so we have a new daughter to welcome into our family!
~ We have stayed away from all the illnesses going around
~ I have watched my daughter play AND sing in her first guitar recital
~My son and his fiance played Mary and Joseph and the baby whom I witnessed his birth, played baby Jesus in our church Christmas presentation
~ We had a wonderful Christmas with much less material things than previous years but also had much soul searching and had the ability to teach our children many things through it
~ Hubby still no permanent job but he did have a few interviews with all of them sending rejection letters :/ Many lessons learned through those times!
~ Realizing continually day in and day out, that Jesus MUST be source for EVERYTHING!
~ I have had a HUGE prayer answered after many years that God would send me a friend who I could be with, in my area. I have a dear lady that has taken up a place in my heart and we have such kindred spirits!  So Blessed to have her in my life! We have grown towards God because of each other!

I am so thankful for all the provision God has given us in 2012!  I remember wondering where I would be last year at this time in 2013.  We were getting ready to move, I had just had a miscarriage and my life was spinning out of control right in front of me!  (So I thought...)

We have come full circle and I now see much more clearer of the things God was desiring for us to learn:

 -This life is NOT about "stuff" and what this world has to offer
- The enemy would like to help us focus on those things and what we can get for ourselves
- It is SO tempting and easy to get caught up in what we DON'T have
- God's ways are not our ways
- But when we focus on Him and rest in HIS plan, our desires do begin to fall in line with His
- His concern is people and their eternity
- That is what our focus should be!
- We don't have to go outside of our country to be missionaries!
- We are called to be missionaries day in and day out in our homes and our little "world" around us

I will tell you I have by NO means "arrived" yet, but I am so thankful for the grace God gives and the road He has lead us down to see His heart.  I pray I will continually look at His heart and focus on HIS ways not follow my selfish desires.  I hope to live this life for Him so when I meet Him face to face He will say to me, "Well done my good and faithful servant!" I wonder what this year is going to hold!  I do not know, but I take rest in knowing He knows and I will follow wherever He leads!

 

Foto Friday ~ Remind me...

I am going to miss these days! 

in about 8 years,

 I will have 6 teenage boys living under one roof, MINE!

 

Sometimes, the days can seem so long

 

BUT...

 

the years are going by SO VERY fast!

I will miss boys giggling and looking out of a bird watch area

pretending it is a hideout...

 Moments of seeing big brother and little sister enjoying watching the world go by

just because

nothing else is filling their time and that it is enough for the day

I love knowing that for now...

A hiking trail and the great outdoors is all we have to do

if we want to...

Yes.,.

I'm going to miss this someday!

 

God...

please help me to enjoy today and savor these sweet, precious times

and not hurry my days.

 

I know that it is YOU who has been so gracious to me and

to even fathom that you would trust me with all these beautiful gifts is to great for me to comprehend...

I know I fail and I gripe and complain sometimes because it is so hard to put "self" last and I have moments of wondering if I can do it another day! 

 

 Then I am rememeber you did it for me to the point of death

and it reminds me that I CAN'T do it alone you and you don't intend for me to!

 

I ask that you carry me when I can't take

one more spill,

 more bad attitudes,

 another load of laundry,

kids arguing AGAIN,

another meal to make

 and I could go on and on and on...

 but you gently remind me that you already know my short-comings

and love me anyway.

 

Remind me that there is nothing I can't do without you!

...Even raise 12 kids!

 

I thank you for all of these moments and I ask you to help me day in and moment by moment to appreciate these times because it all goes WAY to fast!

Someday I WILL miss this but remind me TODAY...

To thank you for the privilege of being a mom to all of these blessings and to savor their growing up and consider it a joy not a burden!

 

Amen! 

 

 

What little girls do...

It's been about 10 years since I have had a chance to watch a little girl mother a baby doll. 

Oh how I have missed it! 

Our baby of the house is SO into dolls and caring for them and she is just shy of 18 months! 

 It is so very precious! 

 Sunday morning before church, she was in her room putting her baby "nigh nigh" then wiping her nose and putting a blanket over her. 

For some reason she thought the blankie was to go over the doll's face but hey...you gotta start somewhere! 

 I have come to find out through the years, this nurturing for little girls is inborn and such a joy to watch! 

 I just had to share our morning with you, I know you will be saying, "Awwww, how cute!" 

 It would be impossible to think any different!  Enjoy!

Mommy with the REAL baby!

She spy's HER baby

She is in love

 Yes...kisses

 Putting on the final blankie

 "Mommy, are you sure that it goes on her tummy?"

 She thinks it goes over her face

Ending it with a final kiss!

It's just what little girl's do!

 



Foto Friday ~ annual "Turning Hearts" picnic

Over Labor Day, we went to the annual "Turning Hearts" picnic at the Bontrager's home. It is to remind us the purpose God has for families...to have our hearts towards our homes. Father's leading, loving and sharing the love of Christ with thier children so they can go out and spread the Word of Christ with others. A Godly heritage to pass on to the next generation. Mother's learning how to encourage, support and share also in the responsibility. It is FILLED with big families and kids EVERYWHERE!

The Bates family from "United Bates of America" show on TLC, were the guest speakers. They were also there last year and once again, Gil Bates did an amazing job reminding us that our job at home cultivating our children's hearts is more important than ANY other job we will ever do.

Besides the Bates, who have 19 children, we won a prize for having the largest family there! (However, there was a family there who had 11 and we gave them our CD because we are nice like that!) :) My HUGE complaint and ONLY complaint was the heat! It was pushing 100 degrees and humid! I made it hour by hour and after my kids kept telling me I could make it, I made it 7 whole hours! :) I don't regret it a bit! Here are a few pictures to share our day! If you are ever in good ol' Iowa next year, I HIGHLY suggest you come to the picnic!

First view of a cow

Stare down

sitting by the rural "sky scraper"

(my 4 year old said it was a "weally talllll sky squayper)

Yes, the cows were the hit of the day for our boys

Farmer wanna be's!

I myself, prefer the Bates Family over cows

enjoyin the show

new friends

great friends

using a leaf blower to inflate the bounce house

(quite a creative idea in my opinion!)

We did locate some of our "old" friends also

ice cream was a HUGE hit of the day

yep...watching the cows still!

more friends and ice cream

boys playing football

And just plain FUN!

 

Malachai 4:6

And He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers...

 

How do you know....

I have been taking note lately just how amazingly awestruck I am with my life with MANY boys!  Day after day, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief at the things I hear, say and do with all the "activity" from testosterone floating, jumping, and hitting me in the face!  (Pun intended!) 

I really have discovered that I must learn to laugh at it all because if I did not, I might go find a hole and just lay there for a few years in panic!

So......
How do you know when you have many boys in your home?
Here are some clues:

• there are baggies of bullet casings all over your home, car, and possibly your bed
• you find yourself on the phone with the plumber asking him what will happen when a stick of butter is lodged in your toilet and if it's ok to flush
• all broken electronics end up being taken apart and then pounded with a hammer after all the screws and pieces are dissected
• you look out your front door and someone is flinging an earthworm around like a lasso because it stretches when you do that...and then you might be asked if that is funny
• you hear giggling from the shower and RUN to get there knowing something is not right if something is THAT funny and then find out they have discovered that if toilet paper is wet and you throw it, it will stick to the ceiling, walls, and yes...mom!
• a closet shelf becomes a new climbing adventure and the contents of the shelf remain on the floor
•  you have a variety of boys underwear to pick from and no longer know which ones are truly yours and you really don't care if they are yours or your brothers you are just thankful there are clean ones to put on
• actually, you really don't care much about the clean part either
• your brother will be first to speak up on all your your failures and mistakes but you can't remember a thing that you did wrong!
• food is used to eat but also LOTS of fun to throw!
• when you break any 10 of your fingers, mom no longer takes you to the doctor...she just buddy tapes it and tells you to go run and play
• the oldest brother was potty-trained at the age of 2, your youngest one is 3 and mom is just not worried how and when it will happen
• when you are the baby sister, all you have to do is stand and scream and everyone either runs from you or runs TO you depending on the situation
• you find yourself ducking and flinching because there are things flying through the air many times a day
• you begin to think NFL players are part of the family because their names are brought up as much as cousins are
• neighbors look in your yard and just assume that any extra boys in the yard are yours too
• you find yourself wondering why you even have a toilet in your home...they never use it and if they do...their aim is so bad that you have to clean the floor  multiple times a day
• you start wishing they would just go outside and go relieve themselves because it would save on cleaner
• by the end of the day, mom has an entire dandelion bouquet on the kitchen window sill
• mom walks into church after all the boys with the fire alarm going off and while everyone is frantically running around trying to figure out what has happened, mom begins to quickly put the pieces together that one of her innocent little ones has set it off and must admit and apologize to one of the elders!
• The next week, 2 of the boys are standing at the alarm with their hands on it looking at you with a smile on their faces pretending they are going to pull it...you run towards them lunging in fear and they run
• you spend MANY more hours than you normally would on your knees knowing it is the only way you can survive the next day!

I would not trade my life for ANYTHING and although my many boys have increased my grey hairs immensely, it is worth it all!  The other day we were at our local bowling alley and I could not figure out why 4 of the boys were digging in their pockets and intently staring at a certain game.  Eventually the 10 year old came running over to inform me that they put their quarters together to try and win mom a necklace!  My heart skipped a beat knowing they wanted to use their hard earned (or stolen money from their sister's billfolds), to get mom a gift!  I smiled and told all of them thank you but please next time, save their money and make me a card!  It blessed my heart and I realized that someday, this will all be a memory and I will look back and laugh and then cry because I will miss it!

Boys are somethin' and they do keep me on my knees but I think that is where God wants me anyway and what a joy to be given such a gift as He has given me in my boys to get me to that place of surrender! 

I'm so thankful for my boys!  (And my girls too!) 


 

I must boast...

A few months ago at the age of 16, my oldest, missionary hearted (is that a real word?), daughter, wrote an essay.  It was written for a chance to win a full ride scholarship to our local community college.  I had full confidence in her (and God) that she would win.  ( I have homeschooled her since she was born and KNEW of her abilities!)  She was not quite as sure!  Welllll....we found out last week she WON!

She had pretty much decided she would wait and see what God was going to do in her life in the coming year, and search out some possible mission opportunities in South America for the time being.  She wants to go to medical school for missionary work so it was a dream of hers to at some point to go to college and with one phone call, the situation took that turn! 

We are THRILLED with the opportunity that she has and the doors this may open for her ministry now and in the future.  I thought you all might like to read the essay she wrote!  I had to boost a little bit because we are SOOOOOOOO very, very proud!  Her trip that she took a year ago August 10th, is being used by God in SO may ways!  It is fun to watch what He is doing in her life!

Enjoy!

The topic was: Tell us of a time you woke up in a funk, feeling down. How did you react and what did you do to work yourself out of it?

 My daughter's submission-

This morning I woke up feeling a little down. Last night I fell asleep with only a grass mat between me and the floor of this mud hut.  Secluded and alone are words that help me describe how it feels to be in a Malawi village, hundreds of miles away from any First World luxuries such as electricity and running water. It is well beyond 100 degrees outside, and the hot African sun is not yet at its strongest. I pull my mosquito net away from me. It has been covering me all night to keep the insects away, decreasing my chances of getting malaria or another illness while I sleep.

I remember the visitors I had last night; a dog, rat, and hen laying an egg in the corner of the hut. Too tired to get up and shoo them away, I sigh and begin to relax and ponder the events of these past few weeks. In the background is the steady, resounding, rhythmic beat of bass drums complimented by the low murmur of tribal chanting. As the music echoes in my ears I start to miss my home, family, and everything familiar about my life back in Iowa. I remember the feelings of anticipation and excitement when I boarded that first plane, thus beginning over three days and ten thousand miles worth of airports, flight time, and layovers. Followed by exhaustion, jet lag, unfamiliar languages, peculiar food, and strange customs. Before I drift off to sleep, I think about the time when I found out that there are currently more than 40.5 million orphans in Africa. It was simply a statistic to me, until… I met one. Witnessing child after child with no choice but to drink filthy, bacteria-ridden water made this issue become real for me. When I was first told the percentage of Malawians affected by HIV/AIDS, malaria, and other diseases it was staggering. And then I met them, one at a time. I heard their stories, and witnessed the desperation.

Now, I no longer see a number. I see faces in my mind. Finally I fall sleep.  Several hours later I am the last to awake.  Still not used to such early hours and waking up as the sun rises.  My stomach grumbles, and I don’t have to wonder what I’ll be eating for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I will be eating nsema, just like every other day for the past month. Nsema is simply ground maize flour added to boiled water and eaten raw while still steaming hot which, to this foreigner, tastes only a little worse than raw pizza dough. After breakfast the curious village children crowd around me. They are filthy, covered in red dirt. Patiently and eagerly waiting for the strange “azungu” to come play games with them and spend another day together. I see their tattered clothes. Observing the lack of possessions makes it so easy to feel sorry for them. Yet in countless ways I notice all the reasons that I should envy instead of pity them. I envy their young, humble maturity. Their quiet resilience and indomitable spirits, their understanding of value and importance; they emphasize people, family, perseverance, gratitude and hard work rather than success, fame, or greed. They teach me, even though I came to teach them.

The translator comes to talk to me about the schedule. He informs me that today there are long and exhausting mountain trails to be hiked, several secluded villages to visit, and so much work to be done.  I am already tired, sore, and feeling down. Even as I list these things you may think that I am complaining, but I am not. Because each time I am tempted to complain or have a pity party, all it takes to work myself out of this funk, is to silently take a moment to remember why I am here. I am here because after a brutally long day, I so look forward to that inviting grass mat in that mud hut, followed by all those animal visitors. The African sun can be hot, oppressive, and even miserable at times but the sunsets are amazing, the contrasting colors are spectacular and never fail to take my breath away. I don’t need electricity, air conditioning, a comfortable mattress, internet access, or even a hot shower and running water after all. These things are nice, but no longer vital.

The nsema is not like the American food I have grown accustomed to, but I watch as it is lovingly prepared and served, I realize the privilege I have been given to join these people for a meal at their home. For them it is a sign of respect and a generous display of honor and hospitality. The dirt covered children may be impoverished by most standards, yet they possess such wealth of character, integrity, and joy. They teach me so much, as they brighten each day with their abundance of smiles and unreserved affection. Those mountains are tiring and difficult to climb, leaving me not just with aching muscles, but also a sense of pride and accomplishment. The villages are beautiful, inspiring and diverse. It is hard work yet unquestionably fulfilling.  As I am excitedly greeted by the remote village near the top of the mountain, I shake countless hands and talk and greet them for as long as my limited Chichewa vocabulary allows. I realize that words are no longer quite as important. I reach out for another hand, and look into the gentle, grateful eyes of an old woman. Several children come up to touch my arm, curious to see if the “white” will rub off if they touch it. Teenagers cautiously observe. I can’t help but smile. Universal and understood in every language, today my smile testifies that good days and bad days are often quite simply a matter of perspective.

Promiseland...

Saturday, we entered 'Promiseland'...

AFTER all of the complaining!

Alllll morning I heard,

"When are we going to be there?

When we will leave?

Why is it taking so long?

How much longer?

I don't want to wait anymore!

What will we do when we get there?

I want to go NOW!"

I got a teesy weensy taste of what God went through hearing the Israelites complain all of those 40 years!

I went through it for about 3 hours and about lost my mind!

Our Promiseland was a bit different I am sure but we did have fun!

Our weekend consisted of lots of music, people sharing the true Word of God, and LOTS of fun!

We first started with a picnic...

Then we all grabbed a chair...

And watched the 3rd strongest man in the world,

AKA~ Big Bubba,

 blow up a hot water bottle with his OWN lungs

 and give an AMAZING testimony of what God has done in his life!

The kids LOVED riding this...

and climbing this!

We watched 'Big Bubba' play tug of war against 6 other guys

Firehouse Children's Ministry was there to share the love of Christ with the smallest of the crowd

And to cool off, there was a HUGE water slide

(I did take part but REFUSE to show pictures!)

I prefer that you all return to this blog!

There was more of this...

and this...

Then some singing and praising

 And more cooling off

(The dark clouds in the background, stayed there all day but never came towards us!)

There was also some of this by the little one

 After praising there was praying! 

I love seeing those little heads bowed talking to our Savior!

I enjoyed the scenery!

Those are lily pads in a pond all in bloom!

There was frisbee

and I'm not sure what they are looking at...

And LOTS of friends, fellowship and love!

The Promiseland Fest was an amazing time of seeing God's love pouring out and overflowing!

Many lives were touched and changed by the moving of the Holy Spirit!

Can't wait to do it again next year!