For weeks now, God has been dealing with my heart on MANY issues! Way too many to cover in a post. In fact, most He is still dealing with me on so to even begin to talk about them would be way to premature!
One of the things, probably the most important is how do I love Him? Do I love Him with all of my heart, mind and soul? And if I say I do, am I showing Him that by my choices I make? Do the choices I make reflect my answer?
Well, I have discovered I have lost the joy of my first love. HIM! I am no longer choosing Him over everything else! I am choosing everything else over Him! My heart cannot take it any longer! I am not down or guilt ridden! In fact, I am excited to see what He is going to do now that He has brought it to my attention.
Everything has been a struggle lately. From parenting, to my time alone with God and EVERYTHING in between. My attitude has just been plain horrible! To my kids, husband and God! I was reading the other day in Proverbs 2:10&11-When wisdom enters your heart, And knowledge is pleasant to your soul, Discretion will preserve you; Understanding will keep you.
I have been given wisdom from Him that has made me aware that all the things I am struggling with is because I am not loving Him with all my heart! From that, I need to go to Him to help me with all my life holds.
One of the things I have been convicted of is how I spend my time. This thing sitting on my lap, (and it is not one of my children) :)is becoming between my relationship with Him and just about every other relationship in my life. Now is it the computer that is the problem? No, it is me and the choices I have been making. I questioned one day, if everytime I got on the computer, I would read a bible verse, how many bible verses a day would I read? Many! So I decided to do that and the more bible verses I started to read, the less I wanted to be on the computer! The more and more convicted I was to take a "blogatical". Not only a "break" from my blog, but from anything that has come between my first love and me! Easy? No! But the rewards will be many and I am already seeing the fruits! Spending more time with my children and making them a priority in my daily life more than I have been has been great! I want to make sure that they know my computer is NOT a relationship and has no value! Only relationship with God and the people He has brought into my life are of value!
I have had great things God has shown me through other people from their blogs and I appreciate that so much! I can also say that I have had things that have made me feel uncontent. The "REAL" post I did a while back has all been part of the process for me! That was because of some issues God was speaking to my heart on. I am who I am, that is all He has created me to be, but because I have going on what I know, and not giving Him my first of everything, I have suffered!
So my readers, I leave you for today until...well, I don't know when! Maybe I will not return to the blog world and maybe I will return every once in awhile. Not sure yet and I am not making a plan. God will let me know His direction and I will follow.
For now I am going to rest in Him and trust in Him and begin to go back to my first love, HIM!
The people who have contacted me on my comments page, I will continue to pray for you! I feel a spriritual bond with you and I thank God for that! And if you would, please continue to pray for me! I will need it as I daily search for Him and His plan for me and my family! Maybe you will hear from me again and maybe we won't ever meet until the day we stand before our Savior. Whatever the case may be, take care and continue to live for Him and Him only!
"but the land which you cross over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it, from the beginning of the year to the very end of the year.
If we obey His commandments, He will bring blessings from heaven directly to us! How sweet! For now, I am going to enjoy basking in His blessings and rain from heaven!!