Hope, Peace and somewhere in between

When all resources are finally exhausted, you begin to realize that your life IS in God's hands!

Totally, fully, and 150%!

No more striving

No more searching

No more looking

No more wondering

No more looking to YOUR idea's

They don't work anyway!

For a time,

(LOT'S longer than I care to admit)...

My idea's were first and foremost!

The scary thing was, I THOUGHT I was just "waiting on God"

And yet, I kept dreaming of MY way and how I thought things should work!

So really was I "waiting" on Him or "waiting" for Him to do things MY way?

The money I thought we needed to make it

The job I thought my husband needed

The life I thought we deserved and how "surely" God would give us nothing less than that!

We have been obedient after all!

Then...

I began to see after the final surrender He was longing for me to get to

I realized that by HIS grace, He did not let me stumble!

He kept me from the things I THOUGHT I needed

Now...

 I am finally at a place of Peace

It did not come easy!

It was...

long

painful

lonely

agonizing

emotional

convicting

Then there came Hope!

Now I realize I cannot search for anything but the One who has it ALL in His hands!

My...

husband

children

home

income

LIFE

It is ALL His and I know that I know that I know

He has plans to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future!

That is where my Hope is and how I have found the

Peace that passes ALLLLL understanding!

I am His and He is mine!

That is Amazing!

Don't try anymore to do it on your own!

It won't work!

His plan is best

Rest in that and find your hope in the cross

It is ALL you need

Update~

It's been awhile!  Not really sure why...I guess maybe just time to gather thoughts.  Maybe a little bit of just plain tired of life at times and no real desire to write about it.  A pity party of sorts I suppose.  That sounds terrible!  I really am not the kind that tires of life!  I can always find the rose in the middle of the thorns...HOWEVER this has been a VERY thorny time and that rose has been a touch harder to find at times.  The great thing is, that even though I got scraped a few times and maybe even had my heart bleed at times from the thorns, I have found MANY roses through this journey.  Not just one, but many!  Sometimes you have to experience the thorns to appreciate the roses that much more.

We have had more job rejections (3 to be exact!).  After 3 interviews, my dear husband thought he had the job!  The rejection came last week.  After 18 months of being unemployed sometimes, I don't know how much more he can take.  A man is supposed to provide, and God has given them that desire.  What is the first question asked to a man?  "What do you do for a living?"  That is how they are measured...on this earth anyway.  We are learning more and more, that our worth is NOT in our circumstances or the world's eyes, it is in Christ's eyes.  In order to see what that worth is, we have to go to the cross!  It has been an eye opener!  The cross is the ONLY place we can see our true worth!  The one who died because he loved us so very much!  When we try to find it in other ways, exercise, the food we eat, our spouse, our children, our church, those around us, etc...we will come up short!  And VERY disappointed!  Man will always let us down at some point, but God never will!  Our continued journey to find our worth through Christ's eyes continues.  No job, but that's okay...our hope is in Jesus, not a job!  He has proven Himself over and over and we will not be dismayed!  Our journey has made us stronger and brought us closer to the One who supplies our every need.  I am so thankful!

My oldest left the nest yesterday.  A hard day for me.  He is not going too far but everything from here on out changes.  No more can I say, "Yep, they all live with me under the same roof!"  No more bringing babies home while he is at home.  Will he ever know the young ones?  Not in the same way!  That breaks my heart!  That has been a difficult thing for me to swallow!  I knew the day was coming but I don't think I could ever be prepared emotionally.  He called lots yesterday and today he is lonely.  He loves his siblings and is not used to quiet.  I tried to tell him to come home but then...I realized it is best for him to stay.  It is a new normal for both of us.  One I don't like but yet this is the time I raised him for.  To go make a life for himself.  Out of my hands and into God's heart.  To find out HIS true identity!  Hoping he will continue to find it in Christ, not the world.  My heart aches but I know this is the beginning of a new chapter for all of us.  Yes, through the thorns, I WILL find a rose!

We are loving our home.  It has always felt like home.  We have no clue how long we will be here but we are so thankful everyday for a place of our own directly from God's heart!  Make sure you appreciate where you lay your head every night!  It is a blessing to have a place to call home!  You realize that, when you fear losing it all!  I now understand, it truly is family that makes a home, not just 4 walls!  We are "neighboring" and we are spreading the love of Jesus with this lost world!  It is all around us!  Don't forget that!  People are hurting and need to hear of Him!  They just need love and to feel love.  When you do it, people will reciprocate it!  Try it!  It will amaze you.  Bring a meal, say "hello", just smile!  People are wanting to feel the love of Christ and He wants to use you to do it!  In the thorns of this move, we have found that rose!  He is using us to reach out to others.  I am so honored that He choose us to do it here, where we are, in this moment!

Well, the last rose I will share, is this:

We have not had our family picture taken for years!  (You try getting 8 boys and 3 teenage girls ready!)  A wonderful person, offered to do them at no cost to us, for a Christmas gift.  We were so excited!  And it went SO well!  (Well, the 3 teenage girl things and keeping 8 boys clean, was still a challenge), but we survived! 

The outcome was great!

Remember, yes...there will be thorns, but always know that there are roses too!  Just keep searching and don't give up! 

1st Birthday!

We know life can only get better with each new blessing we welcome into our home!

BUT...

We could have NEVER dreamed that it would get this good!!

This sweet girl has brought out a side to us that we never knew existed and a place in all of our hearts that has been revealed with

 PURE aweness (made up word, but it seems to fit)

We are so blessed to have been given this gift to love and enjoy!

We are truly thankful!

It's that simple!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE ONE!

You are the fruit of my womb and you ARE a reward!

We love you!