Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sailing on the Sea of Me


Have you ever been to a point in your life that you just wonder what this thing called life is all about? As a mother, I sometimes feel from the time I get up, I am defeated. I can wake up to a child running in my room telling me his sibling did something to upset him or wake up to the question, "can we eat yet mom?" (Which in our home is a ridiculous question because we eat at the same time every morning!) And sometimes I wake to total silence and want to just push my pause button and start the day when I AM ready! That is probably why God did not give me a pause button because I may keep it there far too long! As you are reading this, I can imagine you are thinking, does she have any joy in her role as a mother? Does she see her children as gifts or as a chore? Well, to be brutally honest, I have at times thought both. Lately, more of a chore than a blessing. So, I decided it was time to take inventory on my life and my heart. I told my husband one night, I would not trade my "job" for anything, it is what God has for me and it is my passion, but right now, I am really struggling with enjoying and appreciating my role as a mom! It is hard! The same story for decades of mothers can be told- Very rarely appreciated for anything, usually everyone can find the faults you have whether it be the meals you spend time and effort on or the decisions you make because you love your children and all they see is why they have it so unfair. I can get lost in a sea of selfishness and self-pity many times. I am in a boat right now on the sea of ME! It is a very lonely place to be! It's amazing how nobody is there to rescue you! No one listens to your crys. It is like, hummm, you are all alone! Well, I have found one who does care. My Jesus! And the great thing is, he won't get out His violin and just sit and let you wallow in self, He will gently tell you of the reason you are where you are and how to change it. I am where I am because I have lost the joy of my first love, HIM! I have decided to love myself more than Him. So my focus was me when it should be Him. If my eyes are on Him, then I won't see my children as a chore, because I will see them through His eyes. They won't be something that are in the way because He is guiding me His way and He will supply me with all I need to do and the daily tasks He has for me. Although this job of mothering is so demanding and just plain hard, Jesus knows about that. He was on this earth and did nothing to deserve any punishment, but He suffered! Physical pain and emotional rejection! Who did even Jesus have to turn too? God! If Jesus knew His need, then I need to realize my need, the one true God!! So those days when it's hard, and you feel like all you are is a burp rag, diaper changer, behind wiper, umpire, unappreciated chef, errand runner, and really not sure what all this is about. Remember, Jesus knows and cares and if you find your worth in Him, you will realize your life is really all about Him! Then that boat will sail upon the shore, and you can get out of the boat and wipe the tears and continue the journey HE has set for you!

3 comments:

Dawn said...

Wonderful post! As a mom of 7, I can relate to everything you said!

Annika said...

Thank you Heather for your great words! You are an amazing woman.

Robin said...

I just found your blog...I love this post. It really speaks to me! I am a mom of 8 and sometimes feel very bogged down. Thank you for your encouraging words!

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