Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What am I waiting for?

What am I waiting for?

  • to take my son to get a biopsy
  • for my stomache ache to pass
  • the day I don't worry about money
  • a hug from my mom
  • to think of others more than I think of myself
  • fall
  • cool weather
  • jumping in leaves with my kids
  • getting things finished around the house
  • selling our house
  • finding another place to live
  • to be more like Jesus in what I do and say
  • having more patience
  • losing those last 10 pounds
  • time with my husband after the kids go to bed
  • finishing a book I have started
  • watching my children grow in Christ and become servants to Him as adults also!

Waiting is not fun for me. Some things are easy to wait for such as cooler weather and fall coming. I KNOW those things will come! They are out of my control! Some of the others, well...I don't know the outcome. Some really matter to me and some are just little things. I remember a few months ago, waiting or my 11th baby to be born. I had delivered 10 other babies previously and I knew nobody had ever been pregnant forever, but none the less, I sat and wondered, sometimes in tears, if I were going to be the first one EVER to keep a human inside of me for eternity! That waiting was HARD physically! Waiting for biopsy results is HARD in many forms! Sometimes waiting can even feel painful!

When I want something, I want it NOW! I don't like to wait! But waiting for certain things such as my children's spiritual hearts directed to Jesus must take time! For that I am greatful I have to wait! God has given me time to cultivate them. If you plant a seed, you have to wait for the fruit. It does not just grow in an instant. It takes lots of work and just plain waiting! With waiting comes lots of prayer! There has been times with jobs, houses, and my life circumstances that I did not want to wait, but after I did, I was sure glad God HAD me wait! Other times, I decided not to wait and do things my way! Not a good idea! With pregnancies, I know I need to wait for the little miracle inside to grow healthy and strong! Anyone who has had a premature baby understands that one! I used to not beable to wait for my baby to sleep longer than a 3 hour stretch. Now, I don't really think about that much anymore. It is not an issue anymore!

Such as it is with my heart! As I sit here today, God is dealing with me on many different issues. He knows it would be best for me if I "grew" some more. I don't like it! I want to just be instantly a "better" child of God! (Not to earn His love, just to be as dependant on Him as possible!) He knows I need cultivated however and that takes time! Now, what I am willing to give of myself to Him is up to me! If I give ALL that I am, then His plan can be accomplished, no doubt! If I decide to just give Him bits and pieces, then it will take longer and maybe not even happen at all! I might get in the way! That I have learned is harder than the actual waiting itself!

So today as I wait, I am reminded that waiting is hard and sometimes painful, but...

Those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew thier strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint! Isaiah 40:31

Boy am I glad God is not finished with me yet! I guess I will just wait on Him for that to be accomplished!

1 comment:

cwa said...

I am not particularly gifted with patience myself, so I understand how hard it is to wait. I am slow to make decisions, but once I make them, I am ready for things to happen. God's timetable is definitely different than mine. I know that He is leading and teaching me during the waiting times, but I still struggle with joyfully accepting them. It always seems like the more important something is, the harder it is to wait for it too. I guess these struggles just prove how absolutely human we are and how greatly we need a Savior. I pray blessings for your family as you wait and grow in faith.


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