Character Training~ Part 2

I was at the mall this weekend and because of my pregnancy starting to slow me down a touch when it comes to walking around, I sat while my girls were off looking at clothes.  In about 30 minutes I observed WAY more then I cared to watching parents with their children.  No wonder I get the comments I do about having so many children and why people think one or two is enough!  I would not want to go home with children who act like that either!  I by NO means claim to be a perfect parent and my children misbehave and corrections must be made.  However, I have rarely had problems in public places because the training begins at home.  Please DO NOT attemt to make changes for the first time when out in a public place!  It will not be productive and will more than likely backfire only making the problem worse and causing more of a scene.  If you see a problem while out and about, take note and get a plan of action and implement it in your own home first. 

With that being said, one of the first things I observed this past weekend was the parents inability to follow through with their own "threats".  A mother was dealing with a screaming 3-4 year old, and told him if he did not stop, she would take away his ice-cream.  He continued to scream.  So she took the ice-cream away.  Great!  Well, not really!  She gave it right back.  Minutes later, he began to act up again.  She threatened once again to take away the ice-cream this time she stated she would just throw it away.  He continued to throw a fit.  This went on for at least 5 times.  She never did through it away.  She kept giving it back to him and he continued with his disruptive behavior.  They walked away with him screaming with the ice-cream in his hand.  Both of them at their wits end.  DO NOT make a threat you are not willing to immediately follow through with.  If you say you are going to do it, DO IT!  It will not take more than 1 or 2 times for your child to realize you mean business!  Please do your child a favor and never use counting as a means to obedience!  Demand instant obedience every time!  Believe me, if you use the #3, they will wait until the #3 to obey.  That is not the goal!  If a child is in a dangerous situation, you are not going to count to 3 before they have to listen.  You will want instant obedience.  Always require it. 

In a nutshell:

• Don't make threats in anger or in the heat of the moment
• Follow through even if you regret the consequence, learn from it
• Never count when requiring obedience, demand it the first time
• Don't implement something for the first time out in public. 

Our children have missed out on many things because of consequences of misbehavior.  It is so hard to follow through but believe me, it will pay off!  We went to a friend's house when my oldest was young and he did not follow through on a responsibility he had to do before we left.  So I told him he had to sit the entire time at their house and could not get up and play because he did not do what he was told.  We got there, and I looked over at him sitting watching all the other kids playing.  I was literally in tears wanting to go back on my word and give another consequence when we got home. I had wished I would have given not quite so harsh a punishment.  I was talking to my friend and telling her how hard it was!  She in all of her wisdom, said to me, "It has eternal value!  Don't look at the here and now, think of it as training for eternity!"  That made an impact on me I have NEVER forgotten!   I talked with him about it when we got home, prayed with him and gave him a big hug!  The next time we went somewhere, he knew he better get his stuff done and he did!  But boy was it hard at the time!  Hopefully later in life, when his wife asks him to do something he will realize it is important to her and he will follow through.  The same goes for the direction of his heavenly Father.  It seems extreme, but that is what character training is all about.  Doing it while they are young, so when they are old, they will not depart from it!

This parenting thing is SO hard sometimes!  They start out as clean slates and the minute they are are laid in our arms the training begins!  It starts with sleep training and feedings and takes off from there.  The flesh is a terrible thing!  They don't need to be taught to give into it!  It is up to us to allow God to show and direct us in the way we should train them to not give into the flesh.  He does not expect us to know it all!  Our dependancy must be on Him and He must be our example!  We will make mistakes and that is okay!  We will lose our temper, our patience will be tested daily, and we will not do things perfectly everytime.  But He will give us wisdom and understanding if we ask.  Our children crave discipline and boundries from us from the time they are babies until they leave our home.   It is up to us, to seek direction and follow through. Keep praying and obeying and He will see you through!

Foto Friday

On the mend!



Finally, some normalcy around here! 
(Whatever that is but I can tell you last week WAS NOT it!)

Some runny noses, loose coughs and grumpiness are the remnants
but sitting up and playing games is at least being witnessed!

And me you ask?
2 nights of uninterrupted sleep!
Well, except for the little one in my womb giving me the normal 3rd trimester discomforts!
But she is at least quiet about it!:)

We will be getting out and playing in the many inches of snow this weekend!
Hopefully freezing all the bad germs so we don't have to go through this again anytime soon!
Have a safe, healthy weekend!

Longer than I meant it to be

Well, I last posted and gave my word that after I became well, I would be posting more on character training, and I will.

However, a few things came up in the mean time.
Here is an update...

Last week started out fine.

Sewing some baby girl things with a little one on my lap...

Little did we know what the next 10 days would hold for our family! 

This happened...

The H1N1 flu hit our entire home in the worst way ...
(okay, the house is fine, but the children were NOT!)

and it was NO respecter of anyone that walks and breathes!

 

Not only that, but also 2 strains of strep throat hit most of them along with the flu!
I have NEVER witnessed anything like it in my entire 17 year career as a mother!
And I have witnessed LOTS!

So, I cuddled LOTS, prayed more, slept less and had a broken heart looking at their sad, sweet faces and lifeless bodies...

While their bodies fought it all off.

Yes, it was THIS bad!

But this week has been better! 

As I said many times from the wisdom of my dear grandma,

"This too shall pass!"

And it has!

I had to remind myself CONSTANTLY that God will never give me more than I can bear!

Even 11 kids REALLY sick, all at the same time!
I feel invincible!

I am woman, hear me ROAR!

I am going to post more on character training, I really am.  Sickness has entered our home and I have gotten hit so there is a slight delay!  I will get back at it when I am well.

Stay tuned please!

Character Training~ Part I

This is a topic that I feel so unworthy to talk about because sometimes as a parent I see my flaws WAY more than I see the things I have done well.  However, with a 17 and 15 year old, living in my home, I have been through a few years of "training a child in the way they should go".  So here are some idea's that we use and have used in the past.  I'm still learning and cannot believe how the more I know, the less I feel like I know!  I do believe that the most important thing we teach our children are how to imitate the character of Christ.  It must start from very small child on.  I even start when my children are newborns!

*I do that by laying them down for nap or bedtime and EVERY time telling them Jesus loves them out loud.  You probably are thinking, "They don't understand that yet, why would that matter?"  Well, first of all, the one main thing I want my children to know is that God loves them unconditionally.  By telling them about His love before they even understand it, is essential to them understanding it later in life.  My two year old was asked when he could barely talk, who loved him and his reply, "JESUS!"  He was told that EVERY time he was  laid down.  (I still do this when I tuck my children in!)  They WILL get it!  After I tell them of Jesus love, before they can understand, I gently tell them, "It's time to go to sleep now."  They also learn that when I say, "go to sleep", they know a few months later, when it is time to sleep and they have no choice.  I have NEVER had a problem putting my children to bed.  We have had the same bedtime routine and been consistent with the time.  Even when they get to be older, bedtime is bedtime and that is it!  That is one of the first ways, we train them.  No stalling, no games.  Bed time is bedtime. 

*As they grow, we begin teaching them the word of God.  Simple verses.  Proverbs is always our starting place.  This is also a  verse that all of our children know, I Timothy 4:12~ Do not others think less of you because you are young, be an example to all believers in word, in spirit, in faith and purity.Or Proverbs 20:11~ Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right. They don't learn these ever night, word for word but they will begin to understand them with gentle reminders throughout the day of examples they can "prove" these verses to other's.  I then begin to teach them memorization of these verses bit by bit.

*My husband at around 18 months to 2 years old, will set things on a table to tempt them.  Things that will test self-control and encourage it.  Something they will really enjoy.  A piece of cereal, cookie, or something that they really want.  He will then sit on the floor with them and gently tell them to wait.  As they begin to reach for it, again, he will say, "wait".  When they are finally able to just stare at it without reaching out for it, he will say okay to them and let them have it.  This also takes time but it teaches them to not always grab something just because the "want" it.  It really pays off later on, when our goal is to have them ask before they take something.  Looking back, we have slacked with some of our children on this training technique and they have the hardest problem with impulse and lack of self-control.  Personality also plays a part in that!  Some kids are just more impulsive and some are more careful, but as a whole, we see a pattern.  The better we have stuck to it, the greater the payoff later.

*With young children, we have encouraged them to learn how to sit at a young age.  Blanket time is something I used quite often with my older ones but have found it harder because of a "busier" life with my last 6 or so.  I still use play-pen time,  up to 18 months old.  This teaches them to stay on a blanket or in a play-pen for a time to learn to focus on something for a while.  More on this HERE.  The next step to that is teaching them to sit on a lap or small chair quietly for a few minutes at a time.  Getting up is not acceptable until told it is okay to get up.  My husband has sat through MANY crying fits because a child did not want to hold still.  He just quietly continues to hold them until they quit crying and gently speaks to them as many times as needed, telling them when they are quietly sitting for a time, they may get up.  After a few sessions of this, you will be amazed at how they will sit when they know it is necessary!  It works great for Wal-mart and strollers also, once this has been taught.  When they are in a cart or stroller, gently remind them, they need to sit until mommy says so.  I have hardly ever had problems with a child when it comes to sitting somewhere for a time.  Now, I also don't abuse this and I understand at a certain point, children need time to wear off some energy but there is no reason a small child cannot sit through a church service at a VERY young age,  if trained properly at home.

*One thing we are "religious" about is is Bible time/family time.  EVERYDAY we meet with the children for a small amount of time together.  That is where some of the things mentioned above can be practiced and utilized.   When we slack in this area, which is rare, we notice that we always have to go back and "remind" them of the expectations.  Lots more work then just sticking with it!  It is a time we all look forward to.

These few things, we have done to BEGIN character training.  More to come in Part 2 for the child a little bit older...

I would LOVE any idea's you have for the younger child age group!

Stay-tuned!

Missing her...

I am missing her soooooo very much!
Would love to have one more smile,
one more visit,
one more touch of her hand on mine,
one more chance to see her loving my children,
one more chance to see my children kissing her cheek,
one more chance to tell her I love her!
Someday, I get to spend eternity with her
So, for now I will just remember the good times and keep her in my heart...
I miss you so very much Grandma...

Winter fun

Winter has FINALLY hit, so we ventured out for some winter fun!

We got bundled up until we could not move our limbs

Well, except for dad who thinks a hat is not even necessary!

Legs were strengthened climbing up BIG mountains!

(yes, it looked HUGE to us adults also!)

First year sledding fears, were gently soothed

LOTS of smiles were implanted on children's faces

Running fast and free was the norm

Little brothers got taken for rides DOWN the hill, up was a different story!

A sled WITH a child on it even got ripped in half by a metal pole that looked like this...

Child okay! Just an adrenaline rush remained. 

(That's why mommies pray before activities like these!)

We even played at the park!  Try it! Your kids will thank you!

And just think, if they fall, they are well cushioned! :)

This was our cue, it was time to say farewell to a morning of fun!

We had outworn our welcome!

I LOVE winter!

Randomly thinking...

:: sure glad I put tubs of toys away so on REALLY cold winter days, my boys have something new to play with for a day ::

:: can't believe Christmas toys are already a bore ::

:: I love having a fireplace ::

:: love it that I can stay home and not HAVE to go out in the cold if I choose not to ::

:: love feeling babies kick inside of me ::

:: wondering how I am going to wait about 100 days to see that babies face! ::

:: I like my new hairstyle and highlights ::

:: trying to decide if it was a compliment or and insult that my mom PAID for me to get it done ::

:: so thankful my oldest daughter likes to cook ::

:: I have a love/hate relationship with our WII game system ::

:: why are boys SO competitive? ::

:: I wonder what life will be like in 10 years with many teenage boys under one roof? ::

:: I wonder what my food bill will be? ::

:: I'd rather not go there for now! ::

:: wish I had new carpet for my living room ::

:: thankful I have never let my children eat in the living room ::

:: living in an older home, brings about some amazing drafts! ::

:: thankful for Tums ::

:: wishing I could sleep better at night ::

:: it has increased my prayer time ::

:: probably the only time God can get my full attention ::

:: rather be sleep deprived than God deprived! ::

:: I love my life ::

:: I love my husband ::

:: I'm amazed how easy he finds it to love me! ::

:: I love my kids ::

:: sometimes they are hard to LIKE but never hard to LOVE! ::

:: I am suprised how I sound like my mother so many times during the day ::

:: I appreciate my mother more and more the older I get ::

:: I know I am right where God wants me to be because I go to bed EVERY night knowing I would do nothing else with my life than what I am doing now ::

:: for that I am TRULY thankful! ::

Needing some rest because I have SO MANY things on my mind!  Hoping it will feel bether to let it all out!  What thoughts is your mind filled with?