Back? Stay tuned!

Oh how I have missed this! God has been so good and faithful in the past couple of weeks! I must share some things that He has taught me and do some catching up. However, He has given me some clear direction on when and what I share on my blog. I will soon be posting on some things I have learned.

I am so thankful that He has lead me to blog again and share the things on HIS heart!

Stay tuned...

Good-bye for now!

For weeks now, God has been dealing with my heart on MANY issues! Way too many to cover in a post. In fact, most He is still dealing with me on so to even begin to talk about them would be way to premature!

One of the things, probably the most important is how do I love Him? Do I love Him with all of my heart, mind and soul? And if I say I do, am I showing Him that by my choices I make? Do the choices I make reflect my answer?

Well, I have discovered I have lost the joy of my first love. HIM! I am no longer choosing Him over everything else! I am choosing everything else over Him! My heart cannot take it any longer! I am not down or guilt ridden! In fact, I am excited to see what He is going to do now that He has brought it to my attention.

Everything has been a struggle lately. From parenting, to my time alone with God and EVERYTHING in between. My attitude has just been plain horrible! To my kids, husband and God! I was reading the other day in Proverbs 2:10&11-When wisdom enters your heart, And knowledge is pleasant to your soul, Discretion will preserve you; Understanding will keep you.

I have been given wisdom from Him that has made me aware that all the things I am struggling with is because I am not loving Him with all my heart! From that, I need to go to Him to help me with all my life holds.

One of the things I have been convicted of is how I spend my time. This thing sitting on my lap, (and it is not one of my children) :)is becoming between my relationship with Him and just about every other relationship in my life. Now is it the computer that is the problem? No, it is me and the choices I have been making. I questioned one day, if everytime I got on the computer, I would read a bible verse, how many bible verses a day would I read? Many! So I decided to do that and the more bible verses I started to read, the less I wanted to be on the computer! The more and more convicted I was to take a "blogatical". Not only a "break" from my blog, but from anything that has come between my first love and me! Easy? No! But the rewards will be many and I am already seeing the fruits! Spending more time with my children and making them a priority in my daily life more than I have been has been great! I want to make sure that they know my computer is NOT a relationship and has no value! Only relationship with God and the people He has brought into my life are of value!

I have had great things God has shown me through other people from their blogs and I appreciate that so much! I can also say that I have had things that have made me feel uncontent. The "REAL" post I did a while back has all been part of the process for me! That was because of some issues God was speaking to my heart on. I am who I am, that is all He has created me to be, but because I have going on what I know, and not giving Him my first of everything, I have suffered!

So my readers, I leave you for today until...well, I don't know when! Maybe I will not return to the blog world and maybe I will return every once in awhile. Not sure yet and I am not making a plan. God will let me know His direction and I will follow.

For now I am going to rest in Him and trust in Him and begin to go back to my first love, HIM!

The people who have contacted me on my comments page, I will continue to pray for you! I feel a spriritual bond with you and I thank God for that! And if you would, please continue to pray for me! I will need it as I daily search for Him and His plan for me and my family! Maybe you will hear from me again and maybe we won't ever meet until the day we stand before our Savior. Whatever the case may be, take care and continue to live for Him and Him only!

Deuteronomy 11:11&12
"but the land which you cross over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it, from the beginning of the year to the very end of the year.

If we obey His commandments, He will bring blessings from heaven directly to us! How sweet! For now, I am going to enjoy basking in His blessings and rain from heaven!!

Foto Friday-

And where does the youngest of 11 children sleep...

...well under a table of course!

I came downstairs after I put the next to youngest to bed and I could not figure out where the baby mysteriously disappeared to! A concerned look must have been on my face. My husband said while pointing to the table, "I figured that was the safest place to put him!"

Never would have thought of that one!:) Maybe that's why all of our boys like to crawl under things! Thanks a lot dad!

Where does time go?

Ayson Lee,

12 short weeks ago today,

I went from holding you in my body to holding you in my arms for the very first time!

(But who is counting?!)

Where did the time go from newborn diapers and clothes,

now, size 3-6 month clothes and ALMOST size 2 diapers!

From those distant glazed look eyes,

to frantically looking for mommy's face,

and then that BIG toothless grin!

You used to not even know you had hands,

now you think they taste ohhh so good!

All those siblings that have stared and talked to you for so long,

what a joy to see you enjoying THEIR faces!

12 weeks ago I did not think it possible to love you more!

But...

the empty space in my heart that I did not even know was there, you filled!

And...

I just keep falling more and more in love with you!

Thank you God,

for another beautiul arrow!

What am I waiting for?

What am I waiting for?

• to take my son to get a biopsy
• for my stomache ache to pass
• the day I don't worry about money
• a hug from my mom
• to think of others more than I think of myself
• fall
• cool weather
• jumping in leaves with my kids
• getting things finished around the house
• selling our house
• finding another place to live
• to be more like Jesus in what I do and say
• having more patience
• losing those last 10 pounds
• time with my husband after the kids go to bed
• finishing a book I have started
• watching my children grow in Christ and become servants to Him as adults also!

Waiting is not fun for me. Some things are easy to wait for such as cooler weather and fall coming. I KNOW those things will come! They are out of my control! Some of the others, well...I don't know the outcome. Some really matter to me and some are just little things. I remember a few months ago, waiting or my 11th baby to be born. I had delivered 10 other babies previously and I knew nobody had ever been pregnant forever, but none the less, I sat and wondered, sometimes in tears, if I were going to be the first one EVER to keep a human inside of me for eternity! That waiting was HARD physically! Waiting for biopsy results is HARD in many forms! Sometimes waiting can even feel painful!

When I want something, I want it NOW! I don't like to wait! But waiting for certain things such as my children's spiritual hearts directed to Jesus must take time! For that I am greatful I have to wait! God has given me time to cultivate them. If you plant a seed, you have to wait for the fruit. It does not just grow in an instant. It takes lots of work and just plain waiting! With waiting comes lots of prayer! There has been times with jobs, houses, and my life circumstances that I did not want to wait, but after I did, I was sure glad God HAD me wait! Other times, I decided not to wait and do things my way! Not a good idea! With pregnancies, I know I need to wait for the little miracle inside to grow healthy and strong! Anyone who has had a premature baby understands that one! I used to not beable to wait for my baby to sleep longer than a 3 hour stretch. Now, I don't really think about that much anymore. It is not an issue anymore!

Such as it is with my heart! As I sit here today, God is dealing with me on many different issues. He knows it would be best for me if I "grew" some more. I don't like it! I want to just be instantly a "better" child of God! (Not to earn His love, just to be as dependant on Him as possible!) He knows I need cultivated however and that takes time! Now, what I am willing to give of myself to Him is up to me! If I give ALL that I am, then His plan can be accomplished, no doubt! If I decide to just give Him bits and pieces, then it will take longer and maybe not even happen at all! I might get in the way! That I have learned is harder than the actual waiting itself!

So today as I wait, I am reminded that waiting is hard and sometimes painful, but...

Those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew thier strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint! Isaiah 40:31

Boy am I glad God is not finished with me yet! I guess I will just wait on Him for that to be accomplished!

Labor Day potluck anyone?

Thought it would be fun to celebrate Labor Day with some thoughts on potlucks, and especially going to potlucks with a large family!

The one thing that comes to mind when I hear "potuck" is salads and "guess that ingredient" casseroles. Every type of salads! Jello, pasta, taco, lettuce, vegetable and fruit ones are just to name a few. My kids are NOT salad people. (They are casserole kids by nurture but only ones where they know what is in them.) Husband, same way. Myself, I could live on salads! So for them that leaves dessert! Ahhhh, dessert...so my children think. I TRY to limit them to only 2 desserts. But with not liking salads, dessert is about the only thing left so something with peanut butter is now considered an entree at the potlucks we decide to attend! My contribution that I sneak in the door and put at the table before anyone sees me? Peanut butter and honey sandwiches cut in squares. At least when my children ask what there will be that they can eat, I can tell them sandwiches! The last potluck we went to had RIBS! A potluck made for a man! My 6 year old commented on the green bean "salad"but I think it was just to make sure I noticed he had something from the "mommy" food group so he could move on to better things.

After I told each of my little piggies children that they could have only 2 desserts, I started noticing the many trips BACK to the dessert table. I began to monitor them and all the sudden began counting, 1...2...3...4...5...6 kids sneaking wandering innocently back to the food tables carrying a plate with 2 desserts on it. That would be fine except, they had 2 desserts ALREADY with their meal the first time around! I guess they did not understand what I meant! Okay, my guess is they did, but the flesh is so weak and the variety of chocalate in as many forms as salads was calling their taste buds!

We were the last table to get our food, so we were going up to get our food as everyone else was finishing! The great thing about that is you don't have to worry about your kids being greedy and leaving enough food for everyone else! The idea that there would be any left for others to have seconds on dessert after my piggies children went back for 4ths and 5ths, was well, just not reality ! The proof was all over their chocolate stained faces!

So now onto the final part of the potluck. Many piggies children with an abundance of sugar in them AND past naptime, (for them and me), with an open area to run with MANY other children to play with... anyone guess what that means? The entry for the cheesy grin, smiling through my gritted teeth and the phrase, "Honey, I think it is time to go now!" made its appearance. We then gathered up all our things, and noisily quietly left the building. WHEW! Back in the car and mom and dad go over the speech on everything we need to work on the next time we decide to go to a potluck! The amazing thing is, we made it through the entire meal without a spill! That may be a first! I was even prepared with extra clothes and many wipes!

I now sit, ready to nap while my piggies children nap and boy am I ready to sit down to a quiet meal at home! Although potlucks may be fun, they are ALOT of work! At least I did not have one of my kids say to me that I said to my mom once while leaving a potluck, "Hey mom, everyone else's food was gone, how come there was so much left of yours? Didn't anyone like it?"
I guess my peanut butter sandwiches were a hit! There was only 2 squares left! (But I did leave my dish!) Guess that's why you are supposed to write your name on it with that familiar tape and permanent marker! :)

Enjoy your day today whether you are going to a potluck or not! :)

Foto Friday

When I was not looking, my daughter took this of us during story time this week. To be totally REAL, I was a little irriatated! :) I'm not the greatest at getting my picture taken especially unexpectedly! And then she showed me the picture and it all just faded away. I actually thought it was kind of sweet. Just want you to notice the "back drop". My REAL life is very obvious!:) But the kids are not concerned about the mess, they are just enjoying their mommy! That is what God has been teaching me this week!

Enjoy your weekend, keep it REAL, and love on your kids and those you love!

It will just be a little pain...

Yesterday I talked about being REAL, well after I posted that, I got hit with a REAL life kind of issue. Let me explain.

About a month ago, my 7 year old came to me and said, "Mom there is something on my head and it won't stop bleeding." Worried it might be a tick, I tried to get a good look at it but it was bleeding too much. So after about literally 45 minutes to an hour later after it finally quit bleeding, I got a good look at it. Knowing anything on the head that bleeds will bleed more than any other place on the body, and looking at the small little dot, I was not to alarmed. I just figured he got scatched and it broke open and it would heal soon. Well, I kept checking on it weekly and it was just not getting better. In fact, this week I thought I noticed it may be getting a little bigger. I decided I better not take any chances and call his doctor. Confident I was going to be embarrassed and the doctor was going to tell me it was a mole or something harmless that maybe had been there and just never noticed before.

The doctor then begins to tell me that he wants to make an appointment with a dermetologist to get it "excised" (I think that is the word) and then wants him to send it to pathology for a biopsy. Not quite what I expected. So now I get to practice what I just preached to my friend last Friday when she found out her husband has cancer. To take one moment at a time and not to think to far ahead until there is more information. Yeah, easy to say to someone else, not so easy to live it!

Please pray for us! I really am at peace! Somehow, at this moment, I am feeling I can totally leave it in God's hands. That is where I am supposed to leave it! The next moment, hopefully I will feel the same. I will try not to go on emotions but faith and what I do know! That God is God and He is good and He knows and created my little boy! He is holding Him up with His right hand and will never leave us or forsake us! In that, I find my comfort!

I will try to look at it through his little eyes when he looked up at me after I explained it in simple terms about the removal of the spot on his head, "Mom, it will only be a little pain, I will be okay!" AAHHH the faith of a child!

The REAL me!

Is life always perfect for people the way that their blogs show? Do we have a "fairy tale" idea about what all these people's lives are that make us feel inferior or inadequate? Sometimes, I do!
Many times after I read a blog, I walk away from my computer with one of two thoughts. "I am glad I am not alone," or "Wow, I wish I had or could do what they..."

The ones that I enjoy the most are the ones that show me their realness! (Is that a word?) The ones that I read over and over are the ones that tell me their kids are wild, messy, and at times unruly and their house is not always clean, and laundry is piled to the ceiling! Not because I take joy in others struggles but because I struggle with daily life at times too and it is helpful knowing I am well, okay!

So to enlighten you, my blog readers I thought I might help you feel YOU are not alone!

Things I struggle with or have struggled with!:

-potty on the bathroom floor (lucky if it is confined to the toilet area!)
-piles of clean laundry, sometimes folded, sometimes not!
-piles of dirty laundry, ALL over the house not just in the laundry area!
-fingerprints on every window lower that 3 feet! And the tall ones, well not really sure what the gooey stuff is on those!
-old furniture
-stained carpet, although my kids are NEVER allowed to eat anywhere except the dining room! (Yeah, sometimes that does not work either!)
-toothpaste stuck to bathroom counters and walls! (still not sure how that happens!)
-unmade beds
-messy rooms
-school books not in their places
-incomplete school work
-unswept floors (they ARE assigned to a specific person, however!)

-mouthy teenagers and younger ones too!
-sticky fingers and faces
-hidden cups with rotted milk in them!
-the feeling of frustration
-guilt
-wanting to be lazy! (luckily that is not an option for me!)
-the desire to eat out instead of MAKING a healthy meal ( I think that may refer back to the lazyiness issue!)
-tired of budgets or not having enough money to even stay on a budget ( that creates the problem of the ability to being ABLE to eat out thus solving my laziness issue!)
-the desire to have a brand new car or at least one made after the turn of the century!
-wanting a bigger house
-wanting a bigger yard
-I wonder what I am doing that will damage my kids forever or if ANYTHING I am doing will NOT damage my kids forever!
-the struggle to spend time alone with God
-wanting a vacation with ONLY my husband and no kids! (brings back the guilt thing!)
-wonder how everyone else has it all together and how I am the only one that seems to ever feel this way!

Okay, believe it or not, this is not a post of complaining!

I really am content more than not!

I would NEVER change my job or life for ANYTHING!

I love what God has given me and I know that I am truly blessed!

But...

I am just the kind of person that likes and needs to know it is okay to not be perfect and that every one's life is not as uncomplicated as it appears to be.

I need to be reminded that blogs are only a minuscule of one's life!

Bits and pieces!

The truth is, that if we could follow these bloggers day in and day out, myself included, we would realize that we are all people who have struggles and we ALL live a real life!

The pictures, you know the ones, ironed clothes, combed hair, beautiful backgrounds, are great! They usually show our children in their best moments, I have blogged them myself many times!

But the ones I really like are the ones I see with children having temper tantrums, bed heads, messy faces and tornado hit looking living rooms for the back drop.

They make me smile and somehow bring comfort to a sometimes weary body and soul!!

Yes, my house is usually sometimes a mess and it never fails, it is always at its worst when somebody decides to "drop in". (Which I still say is God's way of keeping me humble! )

Yes, my kids stink sometimes and they HAVE woke up to me noticing their toenails looking like they have been drug through a tar pit after I decided to NOT give them a bath the night before because I was, well... lazy!

Sometimes their attitudes just plain stink and sometimes mine does too!

They have seen me at my best and at my worst! (And my worst isn't pretty!)

My husband and I rarely ever argue or fight now, BUT we do disagree and we have had to LEARN how to deal with that! (that wasn't always pretty either!)

I don't always get up at the crack of dawn to be with my Jesus and I DO feel guilty when I don't! I hope the times I yell and over discipline my kids do not scar them for life!

I sometimes wonder how these gifts from God could ever "Rise up and call ME blessed!".

I wonder if I spend enough time with THEM and not too much time thinking about ME.

I wonder if I am kind enough, gentle enough, faithful enough, and walking with God enough for them to genuinely see Him in me.

One thing I do know, it is hard being a Godly wife and mom!

I can't do it alone!

When I try, that is where my troubles begin!

So although I am a real person and have just openly admitted many of my faults and failures, I have a God who is bigger than me and who promises to help me when I fail and when my humaness is more than obvious!

He has given me these treasures and they truly are treasures!

I will not always be this "in their faces".

Someday, they will have their own families and my face will be wrinkled and maybe not even thought of much anymore and or least in the back of their minds!

And hopefully they will think of calling ME for wisdom and they WILL hopefully rise up and call me blessed!

But for now, I will lean on what I know to be true, I cannot do it alone and God never intends for me too!

You either!

"Trust and obey for there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey!"

PS Some comments of your "realness" right about now would really help! Come on bloggers! Help me feel less exposed! :) Struggling with some guilt guys! Let us share in our faults!:) Remember I LOVE comments!

Have a REAL day!

An Annnouncement...

Okay, I have some work to do! The Duggers, you know the family on TLC that has 18 kids, just announced they are having their 19th child! My son informed me we only needed 8 more to tie them! The difference is they have at least 2 sets of twins. Me, not any, YET! They do say the more children you have, the greater the chance for multiples! I was a nanny for twins 17 years ago and always said it was prepartaion for my future! So if this were a contest, I got some work to do! But since it is not a contest, just people surrendering their lives to God and wanting to be obedient, I will enjoy my 11 beautiful babies and anticipate an announcement of my own in the next 12 months I would guess! We will see!

Congratulations Dugger family!